Should Auld Acquaintance.

Be Forgot.

My, oh my.
Has it really happened, again? Do forgive me, dearest for leaving you alone for over half the previous year.
Despite the sneaky transition to 2012, I sincerely apologize and must remind you that I still love you!

So much has happened.
While I am still the Sociological nerd at UNF, the early-to-bed grandma that sleeps with a book, and too-nice-for-my-own-good doormat, I am doing well and managing just fine.
My sister came home for her longest vacation, yet. After a Hollywood/National Lampoon-esque stay in Atlanta, we managed to spend the Holidays at home; together. It's been so long since the Valles family was altogether for Christmas.
I rang in the new year with the brightest star in my sky, Brandon. Yes, we are still together. Aren't you proud of me? I've managed to find someone that doesn't make me want to run and give up. Who'd-a-thought, right?
He's grand, really. Phenomenal.

Anyway, other than my prosperous and everlastingly joyous relationship with Brandon, my loving and supportive family, and ongoing/challenging education, my life remains forever satisfying. Grateful, always for that I have. And understanding of the things that I don't. We can't have it all, but we can accept that.

Take care of yourself, darling.
Until next time.

In joy, Enjoy.
-jLv

Good Things.

Come to those who wait...Actually, wonderful things.

So much has changed just in these last few months.
My dear, Erica, came home for a short but lovely visit. I must admit that with my best friend, twin, sister - and every other loving relative term - to the north, the view from where I sit has been rather grey.
My sister came home for a visit, as well. The whole family was together again, and we all went south for a trip to paradise.
And throughout all of this, I managed to be swept off my feet with little to no warning. His name is Brandon, and he is my blessing.
I hope all is well, darling. You are, and will forever be, my first love :)

Mike Mains & The Branches.

Highly recommended. My dearest friend, Natalie, and I were lucky enough to stumble across these talented individuals this evening at Murray Hill Theatre. Happily impressed - kudos to these Michigan personages!

Choosy listeners choose Mike Mains & The Branches.
In joy, Enjoy!
-jLv

If it's a broken part, replace it. If it's a broken heart, then face it.

In Your Atmosphere.

I'd die if i saw you <3

I'm sorry. You know, actually, I'm the sorriest broken record there ever was.
I have no excuses for my absence. I have no more reasons. I'll take the blame, this time.
However, out of sight does not always mean out of mind. I haven't stopped thinking about you, one bit.
Still just as in love with you as, well, ever.

...Out of sight, out of mind.
I used to think that was true. I really, really did. You see, I used to think that there were two paths that led to joy and happiness. The first, consists in intensifying the beauty of our surroundings. The second, is to eliminate that which darkens it. So, i figured, if I eliminated anything and everything that would remotely bring the slightest reminder of something that deserved to be forgotten, it would indeed, be forgotten. And then, i realized, that when you're not busy hiding behind your work (Work, work, work, so i don't have to Feel, feel, feel - i always say) or laughing incessantly at things that aren't humorous in the slightest, or convincing yourself that you really just don't give a damn - in the free and calm of the madness - you have time. And while you'd rather waste that time on something else that thinking, you end up finding yourself thinking of that something that you've been trying to ignore, more than ever. You'll never forget some things, some people. You can try, but you're just putting off that pondering, it'll still happen, just later...and usually at the most inconvenient of times.

I've met a few people that have told me that, it's hard to fall in love. Of course, me being Love's biggest fan, thought they were nothing short of - for lack of a better word - crazy. So i got to thinking about reasons as to why people find Love, the only natural and truly necessary act of mankind there is, to be so "hard."
-Too busy (working, learning, cleaning, etc.)
- Denial
- Inconvenience (the scenarios can vary)
etc., etc., etc.
And then i figured it out, that whether or not you truly wish to believe it, whether or not you truly wish to agree with me; it's Pride. I've known Pride for quite some time now. Almost as long as I have known Change. They're both so sneaky, those two. They happen and come along without the least bit of an invite. Pride, though, she'll do things to you that you could never see coming. She'll make your go back on the things you believe, she'll make you believe that you were born being entitled to always being 'right.' She'll give you confidence, but she'll feed your arrogance. She'll hurt feelings, she'll inspire others, she'll do whatever she wants. She'll ruin things. She'll ruin Love. But only if you choose to not defend Love. Love is vulnerable, she is fragile. And while she can be the strongest, the most powerful, and the most contagious thing ever, she can easily be trampled.
Why are we so proud to admit to love? We spend all this time fighting it back, but that's the thing, you're not SUPPOSED to fight Love. That's the most contradicting thing I think I've ever written; fight Love. How ridiculous. It's okay to love, you know. We're SUPPOSED to. Sure, it hurts, but doesn't everything? Saving yourself from getting hurt, that's safe and all, but, I'd say that's pretty selfish. You're saving yourself from someone who could quite possibly be the most deserving of you, and you'd never know that you've deprived them of the one thing that could make them whole - you.

It's hard to admit to love, okay, i get that.
But isn't it just as hard, if not harder, to admit that you no longer love someone?
We make up temporary excuses because of it. For example, breaks. Not break-ups, nononono, breaks. It's the number one scapegoat for those who are truly afraid to admit that they may be dealing with unrequited love. That's the worst, is it not? Unrequited love. Where one of it's victims realizes that their love for the other is, well, futile. No one wants to say, "I don't love you anymore" just as no one wants to hear it. But, sometimes, it happens. And I have no explanation for it; other than that sometimes the loss of feelings is inevitable...But, so is falling in love, again. Sometimes, we're too proud to admit that we don't love someone anymore. We spend days, months, and for me, years convincing ourselves that we're still in love with people because of the past, the memories, the history. But remember darlings, you cannot use your histories as excuses to stick around. It's history for a reason, it's in the past. After years of being convinced that you love someone because you SHOULD, or because it's FAMILIAR, or because it's SAFER than letting someone else new in, you'll eventually realize that you'll always love them, but not the same way as you always have. And it's okay. If love can last forever, it can also end. And it does. And it hurts.
But you know what, sweethearts, it's okay not to be okay. Eventually, you'll be greater than ever, I promise.

I've seen some things, I've heard some others.
All of which, I wish you were with me to witness. One day, one day.
Love easy, sweets. I know you can.

-jLv

i want a little something more.

i want a love that will last.

It's been longer than I had anticipated, and i'm truly sorry for my absence.
If i'm not working or learning, i'm most definitely sleeping.
But do not feel forgotten, i will never grow weary of loving you.

Where do i even start? Well, i suppose i could start from the least interesting matter.
Now that i'm back in the classroom, my life has become all the more routine. And while i try to live my life as spontaneous as i can possibly allow myself, i find my days to be thoroughly planned out, with no room to dilly-dally. Oh, the many roses i've neglected to smell. Nevertheless, I am satisfied with my educational career. My progress is acceptable, my procrastination, well, that will never change. I'll work on it...later.

I've been spending time with those dear to me, lately. That's not to say that I don't do that often, I just don't do it enough. I never have time. Time, such a funny thing it is. You know, i feel as if Time was only invented to give us relief from all the chaos. A sort of, self disciplinary tool that we as humans decided necessary to have. Because without it, there would be no worm for the early bird to get. In fact, an "early" bird wouldn't even exist. Without it, we would never get anything done. And yet, we never have enough of it. ANYWAY, i've been spending time with a very special friend lately, and while we all know i am the biggest sucker for any form of companionship, i've come to see that i will almost never be fully happy. This friend has been nothing but sweet to me, however i am constantly finding myself digging and spying for reasons to end things. You know, i guess if i really think about it, I look for ways to make myself unhappy. Numerous times, i have been placed in courtships that hold great potential for growing and flourishing, however, my being so used to independence and my insecurity to thoroughly and comfortably give my heart away does not allow them to do so. I'm afraid of my greatest interest. I admire the thing i fear the most. Love. shocking to hear coming from me, i know. I love, Love. you know that. However, Love is never the way that we love to daydream it to be (Thanks, Erica!.) Love takes time, it takes work; real, effortful and effortless, work. I guess it's the work that I'm afraid of. Now, i know that the preceding description is as close to contradictory as any statement can get, but allow me to elucidate.
Love happens. it just does. While Love cannot be pushed or forced, it cannot be left to sit still, either. Love is a compromise. Compromise, is a two-way street. One must learn to cherish the 'likes' and to not hold the 'dislikes' against the other, but to take them with a grain of salt. We are all imperfect, after all. (But the one you Love, is the only perfect exception, of course.) Love requires making a few sacrifices, while making sure you're not the only one making efforts. And yet, at the same time, Love means taking all of the above, and making sure that it all happens, effortlessly. It's almost scary to think about, that's what my problem is. Why would we ever want to put in all that effort when it might not even get us that far? Because falling in love is like taking a risk. Not IS a risk, but like. Risks are taken consciously. Love is a risk that we are unaware of ever taking. Love is the only decision that we ALL make, unconsciously. Falling in love takes no time or effort at all, while also taking the most work. Love is so simplistic. Love is so complicated. Love drives us crazy, while giving us sanity. Love gives us heartbreak, so we can find happiness. Love gives us loneliness, while providing companionship. Love gives us everything, when we have nothing at all. We give our hearts blindly, because Love is meant to be unpredictable and unseen. One day i'll stop being afraid. Afraid of the commitment, the reality, the trust; the work. I don't know when I'll ever take that risk again, but what I do know is, i'm ready for it, eyes wide shut.

Be sure to love effortlessly, effortful.
I love you, always.
In Joy, Enjoy.
-jLv

P.S.
My sister is in town, the real one. Pictures soon :)

a change of pace.

needed.

I didn't plan on writing to you, this evening. However, i realized that classes are starting in less than 24 hours, and with that having been said, i became worrisome of the time i'll have to ever write to you again. my less-than-busy schedule from the last two week will become a bit more eventful. No matter, i will always love you.

I've been getting by. Not particularly perfect, but i've been getting by. And sometimes, i think that's the best way to do things. Sure, it's nice to strive for beyond the better and to go above and beyond what is expected; but sometimes enough, is all that is needed. There's two way to look at "getting by."
Now, for all you half-empty-glass people, one way to look at getting by is Settling. That's right, settling. Not the settling that immigrants, travelers, and nomads seldom do. But settling as in just taking what you can get, just because it's there. Satisfactory.
It's never good to settle for less than you deserve. In fact, i think settling is one of the most selfish acts that we as humans can ever take part in. It's sort of like, taking the easy way out. You dont want to go the extra mile because settling is easier, and more convenient. selfish. Lovers don't settle. At least, they shouldn't. There's someone for everyone. Now, sometimes, those two match-made don't ever find each other, (unfortunately) but that does not mean that their other halves do not exist. Because they do.
ANYWAY, when people settle, they mess up that pattern. They're stealing someone else's perfect half. I'm no homewrecker, but i'm almost positive that comes pretty close to being one. So, pessimistic settling consists of selfishness and settling. Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little. Thanks, Epicurus. You're da man.
The 2nd way, for all my positive and lovely daffodils, is settling in satisfaction.
This way, means you are settling because you are genuinely happy with what you have. Whether it be all the valuable possessions of the world, or as little as enough to get by, you are incandescently happy, regardless.
That's the best kind. You value and appreciate everything you have because you know it's true value. You find every aspect in your life to be truly irreplaceable, rendering your happiness to be everlasting. To those who settle in satisfaction, every possession, every person, everything in your life holds it's own unique value and treasure worth; everything is your diamond in the rough. You are far from greedy and take only what you need; not what you can get.
It is always better to give, to give and not receive, for greed, will only deceive. No one to thank for that one, except maybe my sister for helping me in writing my 2nd grade charity poem...which one first place, thank you.

anyway, i just wanted to remind you of your worth.
While i always encourage you to strive for the best, it is okay to settle; to be satisfied, of course.
you are my diamond in the rough, any rough.

Infinite X's and O's, for you.
in joy, Enjoy.
-jLv