I'd die if i saw you <3
I'm sorry. You know, actually, I'm the sorriest broken record there ever was.
I have no excuses for my absence. I have no more reasons. I'll take the blame, this time.
However, out of sight does not always mean out of mind. I haven't stopped thinking about you, one bit.
Still just as in love with you as, well, ever.
...Out of sight, out of mind.
I used to think that was true. I really, really did. You see, I used to think that there were two paths that led to joy and happiness. The first, consists in intensifying the beauty of our surroundings. The second, is to eliminate that which darkens it. So, i figured, if I eliminated anything and everything that would remotely bring the slightest reminder of something that deserved to be forgotten, it would indeed, be forgotten. And then, i realized, that when you're not busy hiding behind your work (Work, work, work, so i don't have to Feel, feel, feel - i always say) or laughing incessantly at things that aren't humorous in the slightest, or convincing yourself that you really just don't give a damn - in the free and calm of the madness - you have time. And while you'd rather waste that time on something else that thinking, you end up finding yourself thinking of that something that you've been trying to ignore, more than ever. You'll never forget some things, some people. You can try, but you're just putting off that pondering, it'll still happen, just later...and usually at the most inconvenient of times.
I've met a few people that have told me that, it's hard to fall in love. Of course, me being Love's biggest fan, thought they were nothing short of - for lack of a better word - crazy. So i got to thinking about reasons as to why people find Love, the only natural and truly necessary act of mankind there is, to be so "hard."
-Too busy (working, learning, cleaning, etc.)
- Denial
- Inconvenience (the scenarios can vary)
etc., etc., etc.
And then i figured it out, that whether or not you truly wish to believe it, whether or not you truly wish to agree with me; it's Pride. I've known Pride for quite some time now. Almost as long as I have known Change. They're both so sneaky, those two. They happen and come along without the least bit of an invite. Pride, though, she'll do things to you that you could never see coming. She'll make your go back on the things you believe, she'll make you believe that you were born being entitled to always being 'right.' She'll give you confidence, but she'll feed your arrogance. She'll hurt feelings, she'll inspire others, she'll do whatever she wants. She'll ruin things. She'll ruin Love. But only if you choose to not defend Love. Love is vulnerable, she is fragile. And while she can be the strongest, the most powerful, and the most contagious thing ever, she can easily be trampled.
Why are we so proud to admit to love? We spend all this time fighting it back, but that's the thing, you're not SUPPOSED to fight Love. That's the most contradicting thing I think I've ever written; fight Love. How ridiculous. It's okay to love, you know. We're SUPPOSED to. Sure, it hurts, but doesn't everything? Saving yourself from getting hurt, that's safe and all, but, I'd say that's pretty selfish. You're saving yourself from someone who could quite possibly be the most deserving of you, and you'd never know that you've deprived them of the one thing that could make them whole - you.
It's hard to admit to love, okay, i get that.
But isn't it just as hard, if not harder, to admit that you no longer love someone?
We make up temporary excuses because of it. For example, breaks. Not break-ups, nononono, breaks. It's the number one scapegoat for those who are truly afraid to admit that they may be dealing with unrequited love. That's the worst, is it not? Unrequited love. Where one of it's victims realizes that their love for the other is, well, futile. No one wants to say, "I don't love you anymore" just as no one wants to hear it. But, sometimes, it happens. And I have no explanation for it; other than that sometimes the loss of feelings is inevitable...But, so is falling in love, again. Sometimes, we're too proud to admit that we don't love someone anymore. We spend days, months, and for me, years convincing ourselves that we're still in love with people because of the past, the memories, the history. But remember darlings, you cannot use your histories as excuses to stick around. It's history for a reason, it's in the past. After years of being convinced that you love someone because you SHOULD, or because it's FAMILIAR, or because it's SAFER than letting someone else new in, you'll eventually realize that you'll always love them, but not the same way as you always have. And it's okay. If love can last forever, it can also end. And it does. And it hurts.
But you know what, sweethearts, it's okay not to be okay. Eventually, you'll be greater than ever, I promise.
I've seen some things, I've heard some others.
All of which, I wish you were with me to witness. One day, one day.
Love easy, sweets. I know you can.
-jLv
