i wrote this a while back. but its one of my favorites.
We are the second, you're minutes behind.
Ah, my love, I've been missing you dearly. Looking at you, I see smiles and tears all at the same time. Mixed emotions yes?
I've been losing feelings and gaining some. The feelings I have for you are still the same, only getting stronger. I've given my heart and its being taken care of. Unfortunately, it's the wrong hands, for I don't feel that they deserve my love. How do you tell someone that you don't love them anymore? How do you tell someone that they no longer make you smile when all you can do is cry? How do you tell someone that they no longer make you laugh when nothing is funny? How do you tell someone that you no longer get butterflies when they come around? How do you tell someone that you no longer enjoy being on the phone when nothings being said? How do you tell someone, that they aren't the ones you think about when they're not around, anymore. How?
I was at the St. Johns Towncenter the other day. I was sitting at the pond near Maggiano's listening to my ipod. As Michael Buble' sang, telling me I was his 'Everything' I noticed a couple. A brunette in a skirt and polo. And a blonde in jeans and a polo. They held each other, lovingly, happily, as if nothing else mattered, as if no one else was around. I couldn't hear what was being said, but I watched they're movements. The boy reached into his pocket for his phone, the girl saw the name on the phone. By her reaction, I assume that it was another girl, but not 'just a friend' girl. She pulled away, and started walking, digging in her purse for her keys to her blue BMW. He hung up the phone, without saying goodbye, and ran after her. I was hoping to see his mouth move at a 50 mph pace, giving either a well rehearsed explanation, or one he merely pulled out of his own ass. But his lips didn't move. Her eyes became wet, glossy at the shine of the sun. He just held her at the shoulders, stared into her eyes. Pulled her in, real close, and just held her. Just like that. No words. No swearing. No struggling. They joined hands, and walked toward the stores. I thought to myself, 'Wow, yeah, they're going to make it.' And I wondered, why? Because, its love. Its care. Its letting go of the petty things and realizing there's bigger things to worry about, and that its more fun to be happy! When you're with someone, you give them and express to them, the undying, never-ending, unconditional, love you have for them. It was only then that I realized I was smiling like an idiot to myself. Michael was gone, Mraz took over. And that was it.
I guess no one is ever really happy. We wait for the one we want to be with for so long, and when we finally get them, we no longer want it. We are unsatisfied. We pass tests with C averages, yet we say we could do better. We feel unaccomplished. We say we want to laugh, yet when laugher is opportune, we cry. We are, unhappy. But, when you are happy and I meant truly, TRULY happy, embrace it. Smile one more time, as if you knew that it could be the last time that it'd shine. Laugh one more time, as if you knew that it could be the last time it'd be heard. Love one more time, as if you knew that your heart could never beat again for another. Do it all, but do it without even knowing it.
Things always get worse before getting better. You're 3 year relationship with the one that you love may be coming to an end. Slowly dying, with fights every day. Tears every night. Complaints every hour. Its getting worse. And once you break up, we all do it sometime, you meet someone else, that lights up your dark and makes your days brighter, just like last time. Its getting better. You start getting sick, the common cold of course. You start of with a runny nose and sore throat. Before you know it, youre wheezing and cant breather through one or both nostrils. It gets worse. You drink fluids, rest, get you're your vitamin C, and before you know it, things are better. So don't give up, things always get worse before getting better. Drink your orange juice, and keep going!
I've never loved, although I love you. And although I don't know much, I know of course what I already have knowledge of. I know that you cant push something to work if its not meant to be. Well, you can, but its not suggested. Working things out and pushing things forward are two different things. Ive been told to let love come to you. But I don't think much of that. If your lover finds you, they must have been looking. So, I will look for you, as long as you're willing to search for me.
Be careful and don't confuse your wants with your needs. You'll spend your hopes and wishes on wants and not needs. Then when your hopes and wishes have been spent, when it rains it pours. You will be granted with more wants that you'd ever need. And before you know it, you cant choose which ones you want. And end up with nothing. Then you're back where you started, being loose with hopes and wishes. Not knowing of the weather ahead.
I don't think I'll ever get over you. I don't think I ever can. But if I ever do, just know, that you're wrong. I can honestly say I've fallen in love with you, and I'm never falling out.
Carry on, being happy. Love someone tomorrow, they just may need it, more than you'll ever know. Even if its just a hello. Its one more word that someone else will never tell them. Every handshake, look, gesture, is something that they may never be given.
I love you.
-jLv
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