when you're away.
someone to kiss, someone to miss.
when youre away.
hello my love, I'm writing this in a car I'm unfamiliar with and on a
road I'm bound to get lost along. the only thing I remain sure of is the
love I have for you.
in the last 24 hours I've managed to cross 3 states. staying a short
night in Virginia gave me a good 9 hours of sleep suitable for the rest
of the trip to reach my destination- the Big Apple. Although, I could've
done without the inebriated laughter of the "freshly legals" in the
rooms next to me.
Virginia has definitely been one of my favorite states ever since I
ventured out here in 8th grade on an "educational field trip." which to
the minds of all the middleschoolers, was just a chance to fool around
with friends with no parents, and roam historical sights with no chaps.
(chaperones, my friend.)
The sky, really is a royally youthful shade of blue. the white clouds
that whisp across the sky are unevenly, yet equally distributed,
touching shoulders at all the right distances. the greenest trees I've
ever seen have caressed my eyes. I can't believe I'm amused by grass!
the only thing I wish was for you to be with me to witness such scenery.
all this color will still seem grey from the view where I sit - without
you.
I know I have every reason to be upset, however, I just can't bring
myself to say, "I don't need you. I dont miss you." and anything like
that without getting teary-eyed and lumps in my throat; therefore
provoking me to take it back as soon as those thoughts walk the paths of
my mind. Memorabilia, a large sum of it too, has been haunting me. I've
suffered a high case of withdrawals for you. I can't believe I take the
punches you unconsciously give me and I can never roll with them.
its so easy to say I'm fine without you when I'm angry. but then I leave
town, and realize, I'm nothing without you, as cliché as that sounds. A
lot of the music I've been listening to on this trip consists of a lot
of The Platters, The Temptations and related artists from the early 50s
to late 60s. The love lines just seem to bring me back a small visit to
my childhood (when I had an imagination) and I'm able imagine myself
dancing, slow and close to someone. their cheek resting against my
forehead, as we sway with eyes closed and smiling softly. the love
flowing ferociously and a barrage of laughter, tears, butterflies
running through our veins. The only face that seems to fit my dancing
partner's role, just so happens, to be yours. and I can't tell if its a
good thing or not.
my opinions of you rapidly change, yet always end up with me wanting to
be with you again. I know I made a mistake, but forgive me, I've been so
wrong. I hate being wrong, and I can't believe I'm actually admitting to
being so! these past few weeks and moreso, these past few days have been
dreadful. I think of how you kissed Her, and how I can't believe She
snagged you so quickly. I worked and suffered for your attention for
over a year. I kissed you once and it took me so long to do so. just
tell, what makes everyone else better for you than I?
I need to pay attention to the scenery now dear, keep smiling for
whoever makes you do so. I'll turn to my imagination, where I picture
that someday I can be the one to make you smile, the one to kiss your
lips, the one to hold you so close and embrace your smell to forever
hold as a memory locked away. Atleast when we make our own fantasies,
nothing can go wrong.
then again, that's what makes reality so darn tough, right? dream on my
love. its better.
I love you.
-jLv
--
jessieebugg.
