i don't trust myself with loving you.

well, it's been a while since my last post.
i apologize for the wait. i've just had a lot recently put on my plate and i've been paying my dues for biting off more than i can chew.

let me start off first, by making a list of things that i find beautiful.
1) the efforts being made for Haitian and Chilean relief after these devastating natural disasters.
2) the realization and acceptance of unrequited love.
3) James Franco, also nuff said.
4) John Mayer, nuff said.
5) Jason Mraz, nothing new.
6) Christan Bale, yes <3
7) and Spiderman. but we wont go there.

I am, indeed, one of the biggest advocates for victims of natural disasters, victims of family trouble, and victims of anything that adds to the daily stress that we all have a hard enough time dealing with. I love the idea of helping people. I love actually helping people. i love knowing that i am giving forth efforts and love and compassion that i know i greatly appreciate when i'm in need. i love those who help me when i'm down. I love being the person that, well, i love. Anyway, i saw this video the other day and thought it was just darling! <3 one day, i'll take off a year or so doing charity work/missionary work. it's a good feeling knowing you're doing your part to help out with something that those in need can do little, to almost nothing, about.


next on the list, unrequited love.
it happened again; i let myself become completely infatuated with another.
i love to love. there's no other duty, that we as human beings have to one another, other than love, that i enjoy taking part in.
it gives us something to think about, and a sort of distinction amongst our peers when we're absolutely glowing and grinning with love shining through our eyes and pearly whites. it's so easy to do, so risky to do, and a lot of the time, a little short of a team effort. it takes two, really. love is a compromise. and compromise, is a two-way street. in the words of Fergie, Meet Me Halfway. (by the way, Fergie is the ISH.) i am the biggest victim of unrequited love.
In unrequited love, one of the lovers realizes that there is no longer any love coming from the other. it becomes a one way street, a solo performance. it happens to me almost all of the time, and it has happened again.
another thing, long distance. whether its friendship, love, family, whatever. let me tell you something about long distance.
"contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they dont see it nearly enough."
i was always the person to think that the distance would push me away from love, from getting involved to begin with. but oddly enough, i was wrong. the distance makes me fall in love with all aspects of the person that are far from tangible - the mind. i know that i said "aspectS", emphasis on the 'S', which if we all paid attention in grade school, that means more than one. and, i know, that i said "mind" meaning just one. the mind is, indeed, made of so many things, but even so, i count it as one.
okay, enough math.
now, 95% of today's love focuses on physical affection, and well, attraction. but that can only get you so far. after all, time erodes all such beauty, but what it cannot diminish, are the wonderful workings of one's mind. the courage, the affection, our memories, our knowledge, and everything that makes us, well, us. that's the love that one finds over the phone, and in the mail. and then the tiny fragments of time that allow the social art of love to be fully fulfilled, visits, just seem to be a huge bonus and a final completion.
unfortunately, my dear friend that lives so far away could care less, if at all.
and all i have left to show for it is a number of frequent flyer points, luggage tags, old polaroids, and a clean slate to start over with.
it's hard to be friends with someone who doesn't know that they hurt you without trying.
without any mutual affection, care and attention, trust, honesty, the list goes on, a friendship, any connection, fails.
after all, with no words or gestures, what evidence of care will we have to go on? i wish you love, darling. take care :)

John Mayer is one of the most beautiful men alive. i could care less about the things that media throws his way. He simply acted as the majority of people on the planet do, and it just so happened to be that his name, his fame-filled name, gave him the trouble. it doesn't matter what he said, he is still one of the most talented and gorgeous men alive. that's all.
James Franco, too, is ridiculously beautiful. and Christian Bale? jaw-droppingly perfect. Spiderman too, so fine. dont ask.

okay, well, im done ranting for the day.
i've got to get back to taking over the kitchen and making dinner for the girls.
we're having the ultimate ladies night for the Oscars :)

take care, y'all.
in joy, enjoy.