needed.
I didn't plan on writing to you, this evening. However, i realized that classes are starting in less than 24 hours, and with that having been said, i became worrisome of the time i'll have to ever write to you again. my less-than-busy schedule from the last two week will become a bit more eventful. No matter, i will always love you.
I've been getting by. Not particularly perfect, but i've been getting by. And sometimes, i think that's the best way to do things. Sure, it's nice to strive for beyond the better and to go above and beyond what is expected; but sometimes enough, is all that is needed. There's two way to look at "getting by."
Now, for all you half-empty-glass people, one way to look at getting by is Settling. That's right, settling. Not the settling that immigrants, travelers, and nomads seldom do. But settling as in just taking what you can get, just because it's there. Satisfactory.
It's never good to settle for less than you deserve. In fact, i think settling is one of the most selfish acts that we as humans can ever take part in. It's sort of like, taking the easy way out. You dont want to go the extra mile because settling is easier, and more convenient. selfish. Lovers don't settle. At least, they shouldn't. There's someone for everyone. Now, sometimes, those two match-made don't ever find each other, (unfortunately) but that does not mean that their other halves do not exist. Because they do.
ANYWAY, when people settle, they mess up that pattern. They're stealing someone else's perfect half. I'm no homewrecker, but i'm almost positive that comes pretty close to being one. So, pessimistic settling consists of selfishness and settling. Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little. Thanks, Epicurus. You're da man.
The 2nd way, for all my positive and lovely daffodils, is settling in satisfaction.
This way, means you are settling because you are genuinely happy with what you have. Whether it be all the valuable possessions of the world, or as little as enough to get by, you are incandescently happy, regardless.
That's the best kind. You value and appreciate everything you have because you know it's true value. You find every aspect in your life to be truly irreplaceable, rendering your happiness to be everlasting. To those who settle in satisfaction, every possession, every person, everything in your life holds it's own unique value and treasure worth; everything is your diamond in the rough. You are far from greedy and take only what you need; not what you can get.
It is always better to give, to give and not receive, for greed, will only deceive. No one to thank for that one, except maybe my sister for helping me in writing my 2nd grade charity poem...which one first place, thank you.
anyway, i just wanted to remind you of your worth.
While i always encourage you to strive for the best, it is okay to settle; to be satisfied, of course.
you are my diamond in the rough, any rough.
Infinite X's and O's, for you.
in joy, Enjoy.
-jLv
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I Only Live to Love You.
More, each day.
Oh lover, today was just one of those days.
I must admit; the view from where i sit has been rather gray. Actually, quite literally, at that.
Perhaps Mother Nature is feeling a bit blue that the kiddies won't be around to play with her anymore now that education calls, she cries too, you know.
Every day i am constantly reminded of something.
Something good, something bad - just something.
Today, i was reminded of you. I was reminded of you, and loving you. And how great i was at it, well, sometimes.
Actually, i think we were both quite lousy at it, to tell you the truth. But, we loved, nevertheless. It always baffles me at how long we've lasted at the proposal we both made. And the more i think about it, the more stupid it seems. But i dont' think i could have made a better decision. I now know that i do, and always will, love you.
Out of sight, out of mind, right?
Wrong.
Whoever came up with that, really just should have never opened their mouths to begin with.
A child never forgets their parents who may have passed away, just because they aren't around to be seen.
A lover never forgets what love is, just because their loved one is no longer around, either.
I don't see my best friends every day; it doesn't mean that i become unaware of their existence.
Out of sight, out of mind...right.
I heard something acutely (for lack of a better word) STUPID, today - my anecdote, begins now.
I took a shopping trip to the Towncenter today with a co-worker of mine, whom of which has now become one of my dearest friends. Anyway, after browsing at a few stores and subconscious wishlist making, my creeper senses began tingling as i overheard a young lady's conversation. I could not make out certain parts of the conversation, but my ignorance of her previous statements suddenly seemed so irrelevant when i heard her say, "he loved me too much. it got annoying."
Loved...too much? ABSURD. No such thing! Now, i know plenty of people who have been in love, and those very people would find this woman's claim to be exceedingly esoteric considering the only people who think love can happen in an overabundance, are those who have never truly loved - that's a small group of people.
All too often i see souls walking around with only half of themselves because they have fallen victim to unrequited love, the most vicious of Love's cousins. Unrequited love strips apart it's victims of every emotion necessary for mending their own broken hearts. It leaves it's victims weak, vulnerable, cynical, and bitter. Love then, loses a friend.
All too often marriages are broken, families are torn, tears are shed, hurtful words are said.
Knowing that there is such a potent need to for love, one can only scoff at the idea of "loving too much."
Love is the last, and only real duty that we have as humans to one another. Without love, we would be nothing. No souls would be lifted, no smiles would be given. Encouragement would not exist, nor would sympathy. I mean, sanity thrives on affection. It really does. Without love, there is no affection. Without love, we'd be crazy. But then again, we already are crazy. Crazy IN love. Because, thankfully, love does exist.
Love is the only act of man that requires the smallest necessity of materialism. Love allows two people to go out and laugh at nothing and to be joyous and well, in love, just to be in each other's company. Love allows people to no longer see a phone bill as a burden, but as a reminder that someone special is always on the other end of the receiver. Love allows people to take a break from the wild nights out, in exchange for a quiet night in. Love allows distance to feel so minuscule no matter the miles, because it is so strong. Love allows to get angry quicker than we normally would, but to apologize even faster because we know it's not worth the pain. Love balances out what it allows, with what it is given. If it is given purity and truth, it allows happiness. If Love is given doubt and sentimental pretense, it allows heartbreak. Love is the only thing, that really, makes sense; despite the constant changes and absence of predictability. Love is like politics and democracy; it's messy, but it works.
It is never really a matter of someone loving another, "too much," but rather a matter of the other not loving enough.
Now that, that is believable.
Too much love? Unfathomable.
I've had a long day and i'm dog tired.
I love you, nonetheless.
Cheers, darling.
-jLv
Oh lover, today was just one of those days.
I must admit; the view from where i sit has been rather gray. Actually, quite literally, at that.
Perhaps Mother Nature is feeling a bit blue that the kiddies won't be around to play with her anymore now that education calls, she cries too, you know.
Every day i am constantly reminded of something.
Something good, something bad - just something.
Today, i was reminded of you. I was reminded of you, and loving you. And how great i was at it, well, sometimes.
Actually, i think we were both quite lousy at it, to tell you the truth. But, we loved, nevertheless. It always baffles me at how long we've lasted at the proposal we both made. And the more i think about it, the more stupid it seems. But i dont' think i could have made a better decision. I now know that i do, and always will, love you.
Out of sight, out of mind, right?
Wrong.
Whoever came up with that, really just should have never opened their mouths to begin with.
A child never forgets their parents who may have passed away, just because they aren't around to be seen.
A lover never forgets what love is, just because their loved one is no longer around, either.
I don't see my best friends every day; it doesn't mean that i become unaware of their existence.
Out of sight, out of mind...right.
I heard something acutely (for lack of a better word) STUPID, today - my anecdote, begins now.
I took a shopping trip to the Towncenter today with a co-worker of mine, whom of which has now become one of my dearest friends. Anyway, after browsing at a few stores and subconscious wishlist making, my creeper senses began tingling as i overheard a young lady's conversation. I could not make out certain parts of the conversation, but my ignorance of her previous statements suddenly seemed so irrelevant when i heard her say, "he loved me too much. it got annoying."
Loved...too much? ABSURD. No such thing! Now, i know plenty of people who have been in love, and those very people would find this woman's claim to be exceedingly esoteric considering the only people who think love can happen in an overabundance, are those who have never truly loved - that's a small group of people.
All too often i see souls walking around with only half of themselves because they have fallen victim to unrequited love, the most vicious of Love's cousins. Unrequited love strips apart it's victims of every emotion necessary for mending their own broken hearts. It leaves it's victims weak, vulnerable, cynical, and bitter. Love then, loses a friend.
All too often marriages are broken, families are torn, tears are shed, hurtful words are said.
Knowing that there is such a potent need to for love, one can only scoff at the idea of "loving too much."
Love is the last, and only real duty that we have as humans to one another. Without love, we would be nothing. No souls would be lifted, no smiles would be given. Encouragement would not exist, nor would sympathy. I mean, sanity thrives on affection. It really does. Without love, there is no affection. Without love, we'd be crazy. But then again, we already are crazy. Crazy IN love. Because, thankfully, love does exist.
Love is the only act of man that requires the smallest necessity of materialism. Love allows two people to go out and laugh at nothing and to be joyous and well, in love, just to be in each other's company. Love allows people to no longer see a phone bill as a burden, but as a reminder that someone special is always on the other end of the receiver. Love allows people to take a break from the wild nights out, in exchange for a quiet night in. Love allows distance to feel so minuscule no matter the miles, because it is so strong. Love allows to get angry quicker than we normally would, but to apologize even faster because we know it's not worth the pain. Love balances out what it allows, with what it is given. If it is given purity and truth, it allows happiness. If Love is given doubt and sentimental pretense, it allows heartbreak. Love is the only thing, that really, makes sense; despite the constant changes and absence of predictability. Love is like politics and democracy; it's messy, but it works.
It is never really a matter of someone loving another, "too much," but rather a matter of the other not loving enough.
Now that, that is believable.
Too much love? Unfathomable.
I've had a long day and i'm dog tired.
I love you, nonetheless.
Cheers, darling.
-jLv
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Just give me some candy.
Before i go.
Oh Paolo, the things you do to me.
Hello, hello again.
I've had a bit more free time, today; more than i would this day on any other week.
So, with that, instead of feeding my not-so-frugal habits, i will write to you instead.
Loving you is less expensive, anyway.
Isn't it funny? Love can be so inexpensive - that is, if you're not Hugh and his playboy bunnies, or Kanye and Jamie Foxx with their prenups. Anyway.
Love can be so inexpensive. Being in the presence of your significant other, doing nothing, spending nothing, and just enjoying.
While love may be the cheapest act of man, it is also - at the same time - the most costly.
Many will go to the moon and back just for the ones they love. Some lose their jobs, some lose their friends, some lose their families, and oftentimes, some lose themselves.
They become so wrapped up in the other person, spending countless measurements of time with another, participating in daily activities with their partners, etc. Lovers like that become so close and intertwined with others, that when the sad day comes when they are left alone, they have no recollection as to how they used to function, solo.
Everything that was so basic to them prior to falling into love's ever changing woes, has now become unnatural, awkward, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar.
Now, i don't know about you, but i find knowing myself to be one the most important things in my life. No one else will ever know who you are if you don't have the slightest clue, either. When you lose yourself, your immediate solution is to find someone else to find you, FOR you.
Mistake.
While love is a team effort, you cannot be so dependent on others to figure everything out for you, for the both of you. Compromise is a two-way street.
I've been broken, lately. Never before have i ever felt so unsure as to how happy i am with myself. Now, don't get me wrong, i am proud of the person i am. I could not love myself more for being who i am, more. However, I did come very close to second guessing myself. I am a people pleaser. I will dive the deepest of the seas if it meant that i'd be making someone else happy. I will bend over backwards and frontwards if it meant putting a smile on someone's face. I try to please everyone. And, while i know that, that is a very impossible task, it does not discourage me from living my life daily with hopes to please at least one person. One act of random kindness is all it takes. Opening a door for someone, letting them have the last cookie, etc.
One person, in particular, made me feel as if i was in the wrong for being such a pleaser. While i won't refine my reasons for what i've done, how i am, and for every other accusation you have thrown my way, please understand that i accept your opinions. We are all entitled to our own opinions, no matter how many disagree with them. I disagree with you in that this was the right thing to do for people in our situation, but i will agree, to disagree.
It gets tiring, sometimes; you know, being such a lover.
I love to love, all in love. Love is something that will never falter in my eyes' interest. The way it takes so much time to even know who She is, and how She can take hold of you so quickly. Love is so beautiful. It allows one to see the beauty of the brightest of colors, the most serene of views, the most tasteful of foods, all in one person. To be so fascinated with another fascinates me. You can always tell when someone is in love. Love gives us something to think about when we really don't want to think about anything, actually. It gives us a sort of, distinction, if you will, amongst our peers. Our smiles seem bigger, our laughter seems louder, and our cries, seem harder.
Love intensifies the good, but also magnifies the bad. We fall twice as hard, we hurt twice as bad. Do not forget that when we allow ourselves to be crazily happy, we are allowing ourselves to be eligible to be just as crazily saddened. It's a trade off. Love is balanced. You are allowed to be incandescently happy, just as long as you know that you must exchange those moments of good, for moments of bad.
And that's the funny thing, it always baffles me; moments.
Moments make up our daily lives. Nothing else, but moments. Sure most of them are lousy, but we manage to snag a good one every now and then.
One thing's for sure, i will never stop loving you :)
I'm still waiting patiently for my chance to love again.
To be a part of one of my favorite things, ever.
It will happen, i'm sure. It's just a matter of waiting for my chance to snag that good moment.
Take care, dear.
-jLv
Oh Paolo, the things you do to me.
Hello, hello again.
I've had a bit more free time, today; more than i would this day on any other week.
So, with that, instead of feeding my not-so-frugal habits, i will write to you instead.
Loving you is less expensive, anyway.
Isn't it funny? Love can be so inexpensive - that is, if you're not Hugh and his playboy bunnies, or Kanye and Jamie Foxx with their prenups. Anyway.
Love can be so inexpensive. Being in the presence of your significant other, doing nothing, spending nothing, and just enjoying.
While love may be the cheapest act of man, it is also - at the same time - the most costly.
Many will go to the moon and back just for the ones they love. Some lose their jobs, some lose their friends, some lose their families, and oftentimes, some lose themselves.
They become so wrapped up in the other person, spending countless measurements of time with another, participating in daily activities with their partners, etc. Lovers like that become so close and intertwined with others, that when the sad day comes when they are left alone, they have no recollection as to how they used to function, solo.
Everything that was so basic to them prior to falling into love's ever changing woes, has now become unnatural, awkward, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar.
Now, i don't know about you, but i find knowing myself to be one the most important things in my life. No one else will ever know who you are if you don't have the slightest clue, either. When you lose yourself, your immediate solution is to find someone else to find you, FOR you.
Mistake.
While love is a team effort, you cannot be so dependent on others to figure everything out for you, for the both of you. Compromise is a two-way street.
I've been broken, lately. Never before have i ever felt so unsure as to how happy i am with myself. Now, don't get me wrong, i am proud of the person i am. I could not love myself more for being who i am, more. However, I did come very close to second guessing myself. I am a people pleaser. I will dive the deepest of the seas if it meant that i'd be making someone else happy. I will bend over backwards and frontwards if it meant putting a smile on someone's face. I try to please everyone. And, while i know that, that is a very impossible task, it does not discourage me from living my life daily with hopes to please at least one person. One act of random kindness is all it takes. Opening a door for someone, letting them have the last cookie, etc.
One person, in particular, made me feel as if i was in the wrong for being such a pleaser. While i won't refine my reasons for what i've done, how i am, and for every other accusation you have thrown my way, please understand that i accept your opinions. We are all entitled to our own opinions, no matter how many disagree with them. I disagree with you in that this was the right thing to do for people in our situation, but i will agree, to disagree.
It gets tiring, sometimes; you know, being such a lover.
I love to love, all in love. Love is something that will never falter in my eyes' interest. The way it takes so much time to even know who She is, and how She can take hold of you so quickly. Love is so beautiful. It allows one to see the beauty of the brightest of colors, the most serene of views, the most tasteful of foods, all in one person. To be so fascinated with another fascinates me. You can always tell when someone is in love. Love gives us something to think about when we really don't want to think about anything, actually. It gives us a sort of, distinction, if you will, amongst our peers. Our smiles seem bigger, our laughter seems louder, and our cries, seem harder.
Love intensifies the good, but also magnifies the bad. We fall twice as hard, we hurt twice as bad. Do not forget that when we allow ourselves to be crazily happy, we are allowing ourselves to be eligible to be just as crazily saddened. It's a trade off. Love is balanced. You are allowed to be incandescently happy, just as long as you know that you must exchange those moments of good, for moments of bad.
And that's the funny thing, it always baffles me; moments.
Moments make up our daily lives. Nothing else, but moments. Sure most of them are lousy, but we manage to snag a good one every now and then.
One thing's for sure, i will never stop loving you :)
I'm still waiting patiently for my chance to love again.
To be a part of one of my favorite things, ever.
It will happen, i'm sure. It's just a matter of waiting for my chance to snag that good moment.
Take care, dear.
-jLv
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Rules and Regulations.
Not exactly my way of expressing these things, obviously.
But, you get the gist of it, right?
RULE #1
Don't be a booty call,
If he don't respect you girl he gon' forget you girl,
NOW 2
If he's in a relationship
And he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you.
RULE 3
Tell him that you're celibate
And if he wants some of your goodies he gon' have to work for it.
RULE 4
Be the person you wanna find
Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime.
Special thanks to my Facebook news feed for providing such simple and vital information.
Happy Sunday, y'all.
GodisLOVE.
-jLv
But, you get the gist of it, right?
RULE #1
Don't be a booty call,
If he don't respect you girl he gon' forget you girl,
NOW 2
If he's in a relationship
And he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you.
RULE 3
Tell him that you're celibate
And if he wants some of your goodies he gon' have to work for it.
RULE 4
Be the person you wanna find
Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime.
Special thanks to my Facebook news feed for providing such simple and vital information.
Happy Sunday, y'all.
GodisLOVE.
-jLv
Friday, August 13, 2010
Child, let me tell you.
Love can overcome any addiction.
Hell, it IS one.
According to my calculations, I face about 10 opportunities daily where I am urged to write myself reminders to be sure that I share with you what i was witnessing.
That means, I'm fascinated with one thing every hour that I am at work, with an additional few subjects in the hours that remain for leisure.
Conclusively, I constantly wish to share every moment of the sun's daily cycle with you, my love.
I was watching Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman the other night.
I think i've watched that movie enough times to recite it in my sleep. Oh wait, i already do.
Anyway, they talked about forgiveness, a lot. Not that, you know, that was the whole theme of the story or anything.
ANYWAY! it suddenly became very clear to me that it's not exactly the best idea to open one door, before closing the other. Why would you bother starting something when you haven't finished something else? Why would you attempt to like someone else, when you never stopped loving another? Why begin an intro, when you never reached a conclusion...food for thought.
Forgive them, For you.
Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, you know. Actually, it's a messy thing. It's kind of like Blame. No one ever really wants to take the blame for anything; and just as so, no one ever really wants to be the first to initiate forgiveness. Faults are constantly up for grabs and no one ever really wants to take it. You wanna know why? It's because we are all too proud. We all have this inherent pride, where, if we admit to being in the wrong, or if we apologize and show our vulnerability, it'd be as if the whole world around us would come crashing down. But let me tell you something about pride. Pride, she's nothing. She will swallow you whole, and when you die, oh, when you die, she'll die with you. And just like that, you lived your life with a false sense of security, with this false mindset that you truly were too good to say, "I'm sorry."
Pride will ruin your best of friendships and your most intimate of relationships. What's so wrong with being sorry, anyway? Nothing. Because when you forgive someone, for WHATEVER it may be, you are doing a world of wonders for yourself. Call it selfish, but I'd want to forgive the world for things that haven't even happened yet if it meant that i'd benefit. You are cleansing yourself of guilt. You are buying yourself time with the ones you love most. Now, i know that sounds foolish - buying time. But, if you think of all the time you'd have wasted because you didn't want to say you were sorry, or forgive someone because nothing was EVER your fault, you'd have wasted...well, a lot of time. I've preached to you before just how precious time really is, already. No need for a repeat. I'm not a grade school teacher. So when you finally swallow your pride, you'll find yourself gaining an abundance of time to spend genuinely with those that matter most to you. Lovely and precious moments to share.
After all, that's what life is. Just a bundle of moments. Sure, a lot of them are pretty lousy, but we manage to snag a good one ever now and then. And those are the one's we cherish the most.
The tricky part is, what happens when you're the one that is constantly apologizing?
What happens when you start to realize that the only reason why you and another are even still communicating is because you apologize incessantly for even being upset to begin with. You apologize just so everything will be forgotten and over with. You apologize just because it gets everything out of the way; like a quick fix. Why should you apologize for feeling the way you do? Why should you apologize if the other person won't even hesitate to prevent you from becoming upset, anyway? I'll tell you why. It's because you care. Because you value your relationships with others so much, that you wont pay the price for their sentimental procrastination. The idea of your relationships deteriorating is so disheartening that you're willing to say sorry for their mistakes. It's the kind thing to do, but not the best. Don't you realize that you're bending over forward and back for someone who won't hesitate to turn the other cheek? "I'm sorry's" are like "I love you's". They are often overused and quickly lose their meaning. Only apologize when you need to. Because when you're the only one saying sorry, you're the only one showing pure love, as well.
I forgive you. Always.
But that's because i'm a professional lover, as well. It's what i do best.
Take care, sweets.
-jLv
Hell, it IS one.
According to my calculations, I face about 10 opportunities daily where I am urged to write myself reminders to be sure that I share with you what i was witnessing.
That means, I'm fascinated with one thing every hour that I am at work, with an additional few subjects in the hours that remain for leisure.
Conclusively, I constantly wish to share every moment of the sun's daily cycle with you, my love.
I was watching Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman the other night.
I think i've watched that movie enough times to recite it in my sleep. Oh wait, i already do.
Anyway, they talked about forgiveness, a lot. Not that, you know, that was the whole theme of the story or anything.
ANYWAY! it suddenly became very clear to me that it's not exactly the best idea to open one door, before closing the other. Why would you bother starting something when you haven't finished something else? Why would you attempt to like someone else, when you never stopped loving another? Why begin an intro, when you never reached a conclusion...food for thought.
Forgive them, For you.
Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, you know. Actually, it's a messy thing. It's kind of like Blame. No one ever really wants to take the blame for anything; and just as so, no one ever really wants to be the first to initiate forgiveness. Faults are constantly up for grabs and no one ever really wants to take it. You wanna know why? It's because we are all too proud. We all have this inherent pride, where, if we admit to being in the wrong, or if we apologize and show our vulnerability, it'd be as if the whole world around us would come crashing down. But let me tell you something about pride. Pride, she's nothing. She will swallow you whole, and when you die, oh, when you die, she'll die with you. And just like that, you lived your life with a false sense of security, with this false mindset that you truly were too good to say, "I'm sorry."
Pride will ruin your best of friendships and your most intimate of relationships. What's so wrong with being sorry, anyway? Nothing. Because when you forgive someone, for WHATEVER it may be, you are doing a world of wonders for yourself. Call it selfish, but I'd want to forgive the world for things that haven't even happened yet if it meant that i'd benefit. You are cleansing yourself of guilt. You are buying yourself time with the ones you love most. Now, i know that sounds foolish - buying time. But, if you think of all the time you'd have wasted because you didn't want to say you were sorry, or forgive someone because nothing was EVER your fault, you'd have wasted...well, a lot of time. I've preached to you before just how precious time really is, already. No need for a repeat. I'm not a grade school teacher. So when you finally swallow your pride, you'll find yourself gaining an abundance of time to spend genuinely with those that matter most to you. Lovely and precious moments to share.
After all, that's what life is. Just a bundle of moments. Sure, a lot of them are pretty lousy, but we manage to snag a good one ever now and then. And those are the one's we cherish the most.
The tricky part is, what happens when you're the one that is constantly apologizing?
What happens when you start to realize that the only reason why you and another are even still communicating is because you apologize incessantly for even being upset to begin with. You apologize just so everything will be forgotten and over with. You apologize just because it gets everything out of the way; like a quick fix. Why should you apologize for feeling the way you do? Why should you apologize if the other person won't even hesitate to prevent you from becoming upset, anyway? I'll tell you why. It's because you care. Because you value your relationships with others so much, that you wont pay the price for their sentimental procrastination. The idea of your relationships deteriorating is so disheartening that you're willing to say sorry for their mistakes. It's the kind thing to do, but not the best. Don't you realize that you're bending over forward and back for someone who won't hesitate to turn the other cheek? "I'm sorry's" are like "I love you's". They are often overused and quickly lose their meaning. Only apologize when you need to. Because when you're the only one saying sorry, you're the only one showing pure love, as well.
I forgive you. Always.
But that's because i'm a professional lover, as well. It's what i do best.
Take care, sweets.
-jLv
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Quality is what you see
in the corner of your eye.
it's only been 3 days, and i've already returned to you. that's love, right?
no, that's just me being incandescently happy and inspired as of lately.
don't be mistaken, though, i do love you, a lot :)
Aside from your sweet, sweet love and your opulent way of being my favorite thing to behold, i'm constantly inspired by an others' thoughts and ideas. the constant Socratic battle between my beliefs and views in line with someone else's is so riveting and creatively moving that it is perhaps my favorite sensation next to sneezing. i love a good sneeze. Jason Mraz, for many years, has been far more than just a musician that i accredit the soundtrack of my life during most of my teenage maturing to, but he is also a great thinker. He sees things in a similar light as i do, but for some reason his suave - and at the same time - quirky aura renders his sight all the more luminous compared to mine. He is the salt to a bland dish.
I watched a video, recently.
The man in the video was witness to a double-rainbow. And while the fascination we have all held with rainbows may have died when we reached our teens because we were suddenly all too cool for them, this man was drawn deep into appreciation.
I'm almost positive time travel was, for one moment, successful and sent him back to his childhood.
Wouldn't the world be a far better place if we could all remind ourselves to stop and smell the roses? If we could all bottle up our childhood enthusiasm and release it out onto current daily events and happenings as if we were so excited that we must be staring at triple, or even quadruple rainbows? If we could remind ourselves that material things and diamonds and rings were things that issued us a false sort of appreciation? What have we done? We have become so demanding and selfish that we never appreciate ANYTHING anymore. We never appreciate our loved ones until something happens. Come to think of it, we never appreciate anything or anyone until misfortune comes into play. We are all inherently selfish, but i believe happiness should be simple and born of the simplest of things. Today is my 5th birthday, and you are my rainbow.
My life has become so impetuously routine. Allow me to refine.
Lately, i've been going to bed with the thought of not knowing what my dawn's plans are. In other words, I go to bed with no plans for the next day. Yet, every day i always find myself with something to do. And then i wonder where the time has gone.
I remind myself daily of my life commitment towards doing something differently. Drinking water or holding my phone while switching off daily between which extremity will do the job is about as different as it gets. But i make sure to throw in a new way of doing everyday tasks as often as i can. ANYWAY, my life is constantly boring. Does it make any sense? Regardless of the planned outings, i make it a point to take a breath in of my surroundings and to not let the dog out on comings and goings through the door.
I hope you've been good to yourself. I know i've told you that before, but i must reiterate as often as i can.
You are remarkable and must be handled with care. The next stranger you meet, be sure to tell them your from the postal service - Handle With Care ;)
Be on the lookout for rainbows, sweets.
They're everywhere as long as your open to seeing them.
-jLv
it's only been 3 days, and i've already returned to you. that's love, right?
no, that's just me being incandescently happy and inspired as of lately.
don't be mistaken, though, i do love you, a lot :)
Aside from your sweet, sweet love and your opulent way of being my favorite thing to behold, i'm constantly inspired by an others' thoughts and ideas. the constant Socratic battle between my beliefs and views in line with someone else's is so riveting and creatively moving that it is perhaps my favorite sensation next to sneezing. i love a good sneeze. Jason Mraz, for many years, has been far more than just a musician that i accredit the soundtrack of my life during most of my teenage maturing to, but he is also a great thinker. He sees things in a similar light as i do, but for some reason his suave - and at the same time - quirky aura renders his sight all the more luminous compared to mine. He is the salt to a bland dish.
I watched a video, recently.
The man in the video was witness to a double-rainbow. And while the fascination we have all held with rainbows may have died when we reached our teens because we were suddenly all too cool for them, this man was drawn deep into appreciation.
I'm almost positive time travel was, for one moment, successful and sent him back to his childhood.
Wouldn't the world be a far better place if we could all remind ourselves to stop and smell the roses? If we could all bottle up our childhood enthusiasm and release it out onto current daily events and happenings as if we were so excited that we must be staring at triple, or even quadruple rainbows? If we could remind ourselves that material things and diamonds and rings were things that issued us a false sort of appreciation? What have we done? We have become so demanding and selfish that we never appreciate ANYTHING anymore. We never appreciate our loved ones until something happens. Come to think of it, we never appreciate anything or anyone until misfortune comes into play. We are all inherently selfish, but i believe happiness should be simple and born of the simplest of things. Today is my 5th birthday, and you are my rainbow.
My life has become so impetuously routine. Allow me to refine.
Lately, i've been going to bed with the thought of not knowing what my dawn's plans are. In other words, I go to bed with no plans for the next day. Yet, every day i always find myself with something to do. And then i wonder where the time has gone.
I remind myself daily of my life commitment towards doing something differently. Drinking water or holding my phone while switching off daily between which extremity will do the job is about as different as it gets. But i make sure to throw in a new way of doing everyday tasks as often as i can. ANYWAY, my life is constantly boring. Does it make any sense? Regardless of the planned outings, i make it a point to take a breath in of my surroundings and to not let the dog out on comings and goings through the door.
I hope you've been good to yourself. I know i've told you that before, but i must reiterate as often as i can.
You are remarkable and must be handled with care. The next stranger you meet, be sure to tell them your from the postal service - Handle With Care ;)
Be on the lookout for rainbows, sweets.
They're everywhere as long as your open to seeing them.
-jLv
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
There's nothing we can do about.
The things we have to live without.
Of all the times that I have gone with endless numbers of hourglasses running out until I return to these pages, I will admit that this has been the longest. And with this realization comes an additional epiphany; that my happiest and most thorough writings only were born from the moments in which you were still around.
I wholeheartedly apologize for my long leave, darling. And while it does not excuse what’s been done, just know that I still have loved you enough to return to you. I hope you have been kind to yourself and to your others.
So close to feeling alive.
…or so I thought.
A good time or so ago, I made a decision that took every ounce of willpower that my blood pumper and weakened soul to make. And though I expected the opposing party to indeed, oppose, my decision, they agreed with the thought and that was that. For days at a time I was in denial as to how lost I really was. It was new, it was different. It was like doing everything with my left hand. I was capable of functioning just fine and getting by, but never once did anything I accomplished feel “right.” Never before have I ever wanted to be ambidextrous.
You and I –well, I should say, ‘he and I’- had attempted to forget each other multiple times; but not like this. For once, we followed through. Or at least, you did. I always wondered when it would stop; the constant wondering, how your name crossed my mind almost as much as I took breaths, everything. And I can honestly say, it hasn’t stopped at all. Maybe that means something, or maybe it’s just my own helplessness calling out for a step forward.
Sure, I’ve given others a chance. Bachelors of all sorts – the kind, the cold, the dorky, the suave, the near, the far, the tall, the short – but to my own mistake, I did the worst thing a lover should ever do: compare. Constantly comparing everyone to someone else is just a concealed way of looking for the other person’s clone. You’re holding me back without even trying. The worst thing is, the day that I go a full sun’s routine without thinking of you, I won’t even be aware of it to enjoy it. Sickeningly ironic.
DigressDigressDigress
I’ve been disgustingly busy lately. My debutante’s ball took place just this past weekend. (For those unaware of what a debutante is, it is similar to a Quincinera, but for those turning 18. A sort of “coming out” party, if you will.) Never before has preparation for an event been so stressful. My mother and I reached the (I hope) climax of our teenage-mother battles and I had found more gray hairs in one month than I have in my lifetime. Nevertheless, I had a ball (literally and metaphorically!) and would not trade a single moment of that evening for anything. Although, I had only wished you were there to see me.
Everyone is moving so far away. While I am endlessly happy for those going of to Universities to make something of themselves and/or to pursue paths that would further their athletic careers, the feeling is bittersweet. I was never good with goodbyes. And while the “see you soon’s” are comforting, every now and then we must sacrifice comfort with reality. I may in fact, never see you soon or ever again, but I wish you all the best of luck, sincerely and dearly. I’ve always been fascinated with the directions we are taken in sync with our decisions, and I hope that the turns your decisions make for you in your life’s drive lead you to your ideal destination. Love, love, love, to you all.
I still often dream about the day that I find someone to love that I know will not be here forever. But, in love, they will remain for always. I still wonder how it will feel to be able to tell someone “yeah, he’s with me.” It will be that kind of love where you can still feel the other person’s heartbeat for a thousand miles. The kind of love that even time will lie down and be still for. I often wonder how often people find that love. While some claim to have found it more than once, there are those who make no claim at all. Of course, there are the false claims. The plastic kind. The kind of love where one marries for fortune and loses their self respect. I would much rather love a poor man and be able to live with myself and the actions I’ve made from the day I said, “I do.”
I’d like to take a moment to formally apologize.
To apologize for any inadvertent emotional despair I’ve caushed.
To apologize for not keeping my word.
To apologize for being inconsiderate of the way you feel.
To apologize for blaming my actions on poor excuses.
To apologize for not being capable of letting love in as often as I preach about wanting to.
To apologize for my many contradictory statements and condescending actions.
And especially, apologize to someone in particular. It was wrong of me to bring you into my mess. I tried my best to remain as honest as possible with you. I just was never one to believe in starting something that i could not begin with a full and strong 100%. I don't expect you to wait for me to be ready. I cannot give you promises, i cannot tell you WHEN i'll be ready. I have yet to figure that out, myself. Thank you for being the genuine and kind person you have been since day one. I'm trying. I am.
You know, it’s funny, I could never say I was sorry.
I was never wrong.
Maybe that’s what our time apart has taught me; that I’m not always right. Sometimes, none of us ever are.
I wish you love. I wish you happiness. I wish to hear wonderful stories from you, one day over coffee. Stories about how happy you are, and how happy I am – even though we both know half of the world only claims to be happy to avoid a vulnerable profile.
Keep your chin up, sweets.
I want everyone to see the face that I love the most ☺
-jLv
Of all the times that I have gone with endless numbers of hourglasses running out until I return to these pages, I will admit that this has been the longest. And with this realization comes an additional epiphany; that my happiest and most thorough writings only were born from the moments in which you were still around.
I wholeheartedly apologize for my long leave, darling. And while it does not excuse what’s been done, just know that I still have loved you enough to return to you. I hope you have been kind to yourself and to your others.
So close to feeling alive.
…or so I thought.
A good time or so ago, I made a decision that took every ounce of willpower that my blood pumper and weakened soul to make. And though I expected the opposing party to indeed, oppose, my decision, they agreed with the thought and that was that. For days at a time I was in denial as to how lost I really was. It was new, it was different. It was like doing everything with my left hand. I was capable of functioning just fine and getting by, but never once did anything I accomplished feel “right.” Never before have I ever wanted to be ambidextrous.
You and I –well, I should say, ‘he and I’- had attempted to forget each other multiple times; but not like this. For once, we followed through. Or at least, you did. I always wondered when it would stop; the constant wondering, how your name crossed my mind almost as much as I took breaths, everything. And I can honestly say, it hasn’t stopped at all. Maybe that means something, or maybe it’s just my own helplessness calling out for a step forward.
Sure, I’ve given others a chance. Bachelors of all sorts – the kind, the cold, the dorky, the suave, the near, the far, the tall, the short – but to my own mistake, I did the worst thing a lover should ever do: compare. Constantly comparing everyone to someone else is just a concealed way of looking for the other person’s clone. You’re holding me back without even trying. The worst thing is, the day that I go a full sun’s routine without thinking of you, I won’t even be aware of it to enjoy it. Sickeningly ironic.
DigressDigressDigress
I’ve been disgustingly busy lately. My debutante’s ball took place just this past weekend. (For those unaware of what a debutante is, it is similar to a Quincinera, but for those turning 18. A sort of “coming out” party, if you will.) Never before has preparation for an event been so stressful. My mother and I reached the (I hope) climax of our teenage-mother battles and I had found more gray hairs in one month than I have in my lifetime. Nevertheless, I had a ball (literally and metaphorically!) and would not trade a single moment of that evening for anything. Although, I had only wished you were there to see me.
Everyone is moving so far away. While I am endlessly happy for those going of to Universities to make something of themselves and/or to pursue paths that would further their athletic careers, the feeling is bittersweet. I was never good with goodbyes. And while the “see you soon’s” are comforting, every now and then we must sacrifice comfort with reality. I may in fact, never see you soon or ever again, but I wish you all the best of luck, sincerely and dearly. I’ve always been fascinated with the directions we are taken in sync with our decisions, and I hope that the turns your decisions make for you in your life’s drive lead you to your ideal destination. Love, love, love, to you all.
I still often dream about the day that I find someone to love that I know will not be here forever. But, in love, they will remain for always. I still wonder how it will feel to be able to tell someone “yeah, he’s with me.” It will be that kind of love where you can still feel the other person’s heartbeat for a thousand miles. The kind of love that even time will lie down and be still for. I often wonder how often people find that love. While some claim to have found it more than once, there are those who make no claim at all. Of course, there are the false claims. The plastic kind. The kind of love where one marries for fortune and loses their self respect. I would much rather love a poor man and be able to live with myself and the actions I’ve made from the day I said, “I do.”
I’d like to take a moment to formally apologize.
To apologize for any inadvertent emotional despair I’ve caushed.
To apologize for not keeping my word.
To apologize for being inconsiderate of the way you feel.
To apologize for blaming my actions on poor excuses.
To apologize for not being capable of letting love in as often as I preach about wanting to.
To apologize for my many contradictory statements and condescending actions.
And especially, apologize to someone in particular. It was wrong of me to bring you into my mess. I tried my best to remain as honest as possible with you. I just was never one to believe in starting something that i could not begin with a full and strong 100%. I don't expect you to wait for me to be ready. I cannot give you promises, i cannot tell you WHEN i'll be ready. I have yet to figure that out, myself. Thank you for being the genuine and kind person you have been since day one. I'm trying. I am.
You know, it’s funny, I could never say I was sorry.
I was never wrong.
Maybe that’s what our time apart has taught me; that I’m not always right. Sometimes, none of us ever are.
I wish you love. I wish you happiness. I wish to hear wonderful stories from you, one day over coffee. Stories about how happy you are, and how happy I am – even though we both know half of the world only claims to be happy to avoid a vulnerable profile.
Keep your chin up, sweets.
I want everyone to see the face that I love the most ☺
-jLv
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