Before i go.
Oh Paolo, the things you do to me.
Hello, hello again.
I've had a bit more free time, today; more than i would this day on any other week.
So, with that, instead of feeding my not-so-frugal habits, i will write to you instead.
Loving you is less expensive, anyway.
Isn't it funny? Love can be so inexpensive - that is, if you're not Hugh and his playboy bunnies, or Kanye and Jamie Foxx with their prenups. Anyway.
Love can be so inexpensive. Being in the presence of your significant other, doing nothing, spending nothing, and just enjoying.
While love may be the cheapest act of man, it is also - at the same time - the most costly.
Many will go to the moon and back just for the ones they love. Some lose their jobs, some lose their friends, some lose their families, and oftentimes, some lose themselves.
They become so wrapped up in the other person, spending countless measurements of time with another, participating in daily activities with their partners, etc. Lovers like that become so close and intertwined with others, that when the sad day comes when they are left alone, they have no recollection as to how they used to function, solo.
Everything that was so basic to them prior to falling into love's ever changing woes, has now become unnatural, awkward, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar.
Now, i don't know about you, but i find knowing myself to be one the most important things in my life. No one else will ever know who you are if you don't have the slightest clue, either. When you lose yourself, your immediate solution is to find someone else to find you, FOR you.
Mistake.
While love is a team effort, you cannot be so dependent on others to figure everything out for you, for the both of you. Compromise is a two-way street.
I've been broken, lately. Never before have i ever felt so unsure as to how happy i am with myself. Now, don't get me wrong, i am proud of the person i am. I could not love myself more for being who i am, more. However, I did come very close to second guessing myself. I am a people pleaser. I will dive the deepest of the seas if it meant that i'd be making someone else happy. I will bend over backwards and frontwards if it meant putting a smile on someone's face. I try to please everyone. And, while i know that, that is a very impossible task, it does not discourage me from living my life daily with hopes to please at least one person. One act of random kindness is all it takes. Opening a door for someone, letting them have the last cookie, etc.
One person, in particular, made me feel as if i was in the wrong for being such a pleaser. While i won't refine my reasons for what i've done, how i am, and for every other accusation you have thrown my way, please understand that i accept your opinions. We are all entitled to our own opinions, no matter how many disagree with them. I disagree with you in that this was the right thing to do for people in our situation, but i will agree, to disagree.
It gets tiring, sometimes; you know, being such a lover.
I love to love, all in love. Love is something that will never falter in my eyes' interest. The way it takes so much time to even know who She is, and how She can take hold of you so quickly. Love is so beautiful. It allows one to see the beauty of the brightest of colors, the most serene of views, the most tasteful of foods, all in one person. To be so fascinated with another fascinates me. You can always tell when someone is in love. Love gives us something to think about when we really don't want to think about anything, actually. It gives us a sort of, distinction, if you will, amongst our peers. Our smiles seem bigger, our laughter seems louder, and our cries, seem harder.
Love intensifies the good, but also magnifies the bad. We fall twice as hard, we hurt twice as bad. Do not forget that when we allow ourselves to be crazily happy, we are allowing ourselves to be eligible to be just as crazily saddened. It's a trade off. Love is balanced. You are allowed to be incandescently happy, just as long as you know that you must exchange those moments of good, for moments of bad.
And that's the funny thing, it always baffles me; moments.
Moments make up our daily lives. Nothing else, but moments. Sure most of them are lousy, but we manage to snag a good one every now and then.
One thing's for sure, i will never stop loving you :)
I'm still waiting patiently for my chance to love again.
To be a part of one of my favorite things, ever.
It will happen, i'm sure. It's just a matter of waiting for my chance to snag that good moment.
Take care, dear.
-jLv
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