i want a love that will last.
It's been longer than I had anticipated, and i'm truly sorry for my absence.
If i'm not working or learning, i'm most definitely sleeping.
But do not feel forgotten, i will never grow weary of loving you.
Where do i even start? Well, i suppose i could start from the least interesting matter.
Now that i'm back in the classroom, my life has become all the more routine. And while i try to live my life as spontaneous as i can possibly allow myself, i find my days to be thoroughly planned out, with no room to dilly-dally. Oh, the many roses i've neglected to smell. Nevertheless, I am satisfied with my educational career. My progress is acceptable, my procrastination, well, that will never change. I'll work on it...later.
I've been spending time with those dear to me, lately. That's not to say that I don't do that often, I just don't do it enough. I never have time. Time, such a funny thing it is. You know, i feel as if Time was only invented to give us relief from all the chaos. A sort of, self disciplinary tool that we as humans decided necessary to have. Because without it, there would be no worm for the early bird to get. In fact, an "early" bird wouldn't even exist. Without it, we would never get anything done. And yet, we never have enough of it. ANYWAY, i've been spending time with a very special friend lately, and while we all know i am the biggest sucker for any form of companionship, i've come to see that i will almost never be fully happy. This friend has been nothing but sweet to me, however i am constantly finding myself digging and spying for reasons to end things. You know, i guess if i really think about it, I look for ways to make myself unhappy. Numerous times, i have been placed in courtships that hold great potential for growing and flourishing, however, my being so used to independence and my insecurity to thoroughly and comfortably give my heart away does not allow them to do so. I'm afraid of my greatest interest. I admire the thing i fear the most. Love. shocking to hear coming from me, i know. I love, Love. you know that. However, Love is never the way that we love to daydream it to be (Thanks, Erica!.) Love takes time, it takes work; real, effortful and effortless, work. I guess it's the work that I'm afraid of. Now, i know that the preceding description is as close to contradictory as any statement can get, but allow me to elucidate.
Love happens. it just does. While Love cannot be pushed or forced, it cannot be left to sit still, either. Love is a compromise. Compromise, is a two-way street. One must learn to cherish the 'likes' and to not hold the 'dislikes' against the other, but to take them with a grain of salt. We are all imperfect, after all. (But the one you Love, is the only perfect exception, of course.) Love requires making a few sacrifices, while making sure you're not the only one making efforts. And yet, at the same time, Love means taking all of the above, and making sure that it all happens, effortlessly. It's almost scary to think about, that's what my problem is. Why would we ever want to put in all that effort when it might not even get us that far? Because falling in love is like taking a risk. Not IS a risk, but like. Risks are taken consciously. Love is a risk that we are unaware of ever taking. Love is the only decision that we ALL make, unconsciously. Falling in love takes no time or effort at all, while also taking the most work. Love is so simplistic. Love is so complicated. Love drives us crazy, while giving us sanity. Love gives us heartbreak, so we can find happiness. Love gives us loneliness, while providing companionship. Love gives us everything, when we have nothing at all. We give our hearts blindly, because Love is meant to be unpredictable and unseen. One day i'll stop being afraid. Afraid of the commitment, the reality, the trust; the work. I don't know when I'll ever take that risk again, but what I do know is, i'm ready for it, eyes wide shut.
Be sure to love effortlessly, effortful.
I love you, always.
In Joy, Enjoy.
-jLv
P.S.
My sister is in town, the real one. Pictures soon :)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
a change of pace.
needed.
I didn't plan on writing to you, this evening. However, i realized that classes are starting in less than 24 hours, and with that having been said, i became worrisome of the time i'll have to ever write to you again. my less-than-busy schedule from the last two week will become a bit more eventful. No matter, i will always love you.
I've been getting by. Not particularly perfect, but i've been getting by. And sometimes, i think that's the best way to do things. Sure, it's nice to strive for beyond the better and to go above and beyond what is expected; but sometimes enough, is all that is needed. There's two way to look at "getting by."
Now, for all you half-empty-glass people, one way to look at getting by is Settling. That's right, settling. Not the settling that immigrants, travelers, and nomads seldom do. But settling as in just taking what you can get, just because it's there. Satisfactory.
It's never good to settle for less than you deserve. In fact, i think settling is one of the most selfish acts that we as humans can ever take part in. It's sort of like, taking the easy way out. You dont want to go the extra mile because settling is easier, and more convenient. selfish. Lovers don't settle. At least, they shouldn't. There's someone for everyone. Now, sometimes, those two match-made don't ever find each other, (unfortunately) but that does not mean that their other halves do not exist. Because they do.
ANYWAY, when people settle, they mess up that pattern. They're stealing someone else's perfect half. I'm no homewrecker, but i'm almost positive that comes pretty close to being one. So, pessimistic settling consists of selfishness and settling. Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little. Thanks, Epicurus. You're da man.
The 2nd way, for all my positive and lovely daffodils, is settling in satisfaction.
This way, means you are settling because you are genuinely happy with what you have. Whether it be all the valuable possessions of the world, or as little as enough to get by, you are incandescently happy, regardless.
That's the best kind. You value and appreciate everything you have because you know it's true value. You find every aspect in your life to be truly irreplaceable, rendering your happiness to be everlasting. To those who settle in satisfaction, every possession, every person, everything in your life holds it's own unique value and treasure worth; everything is your diamond in the rough. You are far from greedy and take only what you need; not what you can get.
It is always better to give, to give and not receive, for greed, will only deceive. No one to thank for that one, except maybe my sister for helping me in writing my 2nd grade charity poem...which one first place, thank you.
anyway, i just wanted to remind you of your worth.
While i always encourage you to strive for the best, it is okay to settle; to be satisfied, of course.
you are my diamond in the rough, any rough.
Infinite X's and O's, for you.
in joy, Enjoy.
-jLv
I didn't plan on writing to you, this evening. However, i realized that classes are starting in less than 24 hours, and with that having been said, i became worrisome of the time i'll have to ever write to you again. my less-than-busy schedule from the last two week will become a bit more eventful. No matter, i will always love you.
I've been getting by. Not particularly perfect, but i've been getting by. And sometimes, i think that's the best way to do things. Sure, it's nice to strive for beyond the better and to go above and beyond what is expected; but sometimes enough, is all that is needed. There's two way to look at "getting by."
Now, for all you half-empty-glass people, one way to look at getting by is Settling. That's right, settling. Not the settling that immigrants, travelers, and nomads seldom do. But settling as in just taking what you can get, just because it's there. Satisfactory.
It's never good to settle for less than you deserve. In fact, i think settling is one of the most selfish acts that we as humans can ever take part in. It's sort of like, taking the easy way out. You dont want to go the extra mile because settling is easier, and more convenient. selfish. Lovers don't settle. At least, they shouldn't. There's someone for everyone. Now, sometimes, those two match-made don't ever find each other, (unfortunately) but that does not mean that their other halves do not exist. Because they do.
ANYWAY, when people settle, they mess up that pattern. They're stealing someone else's perfect half. I'm no homewrecker, but i'm almost positive that comes pretty close to being one. So, pessimistic settling consists of selfishness and settling. Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little. Thanks, Epicurus. You're da man.
The 2nd way, for all my positive and lovely daffodils, is settling in satisfaction.
This way, means you are settling because you are genuinely happy with what you have. Whether it be all the valuable possessions of the world, or as little as enough to get by, you are incandescently happy, regardless.
That's the best kind. You value and appreciate everything you have because you know it's true value. You find every aspect in your life to be truly irreplaceable, rendering your happiness to be everlasting. To those who settle in satisfaction, every possession, every person, everything in your life holds it's own unique value and treasure worth; everything is your diamond in the rough. You are far from greedy and take only what you need; not what you can get.
It is always better to give, to give and not receive, for greed, will only deceive. No one to thank for that one, except maybe my sister for helping me in writing my 2nd grade charity poem...which one first place, thank you.
anyway, i just wanted to remind you of your worth.
While i always encourage you to strive for the best, it is okay to settle; to be satisfied, of course.
you are my diamond in the rough, any rough.
Infinite X's and O's, for you.
in joy, Enjoy.
-jLv
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I Only Live to Love You.
More, each day.
Oh lover, today was just one of those days.
I must admit; the view from where i sit has been rather gray. Actually, quite literally, at that.
Perhaps Mother Nature is feeling a bit blue that the kiddies won't be around to play with her anymore now that education calls, she cries too, you know.
Every day i am constantly reminded of something.
Something good, something bad - just something.
Today, i was reminded of you. I was reminded of you, and loving you. And how great i was at it, well, sometimes.
Actually, i think we were both quite lousy at it, to tell you the truth. But, we loved, nevertheless. It always baffles me at how long we've lasted at the proposal we both made. And the more i think about it, the more stupid it seems. But i dont' think i could have made a better decision. I now know that i do, and always will, love you.
Out of sight, out of mind, right?
Wrong.
Whoever came up with that, really just should have never opened their mouths to begin with.
A child never forgets their parents who may have passed away, just because they aren't around to be seen.
A lover never forgets what love is, just because their loved one is no longer around, either.
I don't see my best friends every day; it doesn't mean that i become unaware of their existence.
Out of sight, out of mind...right.
I heard something acutely (for lack of a better word) STUPID, today - my anecdote, begins now.
I took a shopping trip to the Towncenter today with a co-worker of mine, whom of which has now become one of my dearest friends. Anyway, after browsing at a few stores and subconscious wishlist making, my creeper senses began tingling as i overheard a young lady's conversation. I could not make out certain parts of the conversation, but my ignorance of her previous statements suddenly seemed so irrelevant when i heard her say, "he loved me too much. it got annoying."
Loved...too much? ABSURD. No such thing! Now, i know plenty of people who have been in love, and those very people would find this woman's claim to be exceedingly esoteric considering the only people who think love can happen in an overabundance, are those who have never truly loved - that's a small group of people.
All too often i see souls walking around with only half of themselves because they have fallen victim to unrequited love, the most vicious of Love's cousins. Unrequited love strips apart it's victims of every emotion necessary for mending their own broken hearts. It leaves it's victims weak, vulnerable, cynical, and bitter. Love then, loses a friend.
All too often marriages are broken, families are torn, tears are shed, hurtful words are said.
Knowing that there is such a potent need to for love, one can only scoff at the idea of "loving too much."
Love is the last, and only real duty that we have as humans to one another. Without love, we would be nothing. No souls would be lifted, no smiles would be given. Encouragement would not exist, nor would sympathy. I mean, sanity thrives on affection. It really does. Without love, there is no affection. Without love, we'd be crazy. But then again, we already are crazy. Crazy IN love. Because, thankfully, love does exist.
Love is the only act of man that requires the smallest necessity of materialism. Love allows two people to go out and laugh at nothing and to be joyous and well, in love, just to be in each other's company. Love allows people to no longer see a phone bill as a burden, but as a reminder that someone special is always on the other end of the receiver. Love allows people to take a break from the wild nights out, in exchange for a quiet night in. Love allows distance to feel so minuscule no matter the miles, because it is so strong. Love allows to get angry quicker than we normally would, but to apologize even faster because we know it's not worth the pain. Love balances out what it allows, with what it is given. If it is given purity and truth, it allows happiness. If Love is given doubt and sentimental pretense, it allows heartbreak. Love is the only thing, that really, makes sense; despite the constant changes and absence of predictability. Love is like politics and democracy; it's messy, but it works.
It is never really a matter of someone loving another, "too much," but rather a matter of the other not loving enough.
Now that, that is believable.
Too much love? Unfathomable.
I've had a long day and i'm dog tired.
I love you, nonetheless.
Cheers, darling.
-jLv
Oh lover, today was just one of those days.
I must admit; the view from where i sit has been rather gray. Actually, quite literally, at that.
Perhaps Mother Nature is feeling a bit blue that the kiddies won't be around to play with her anymore now that education calls, she cries too, you know.
Every day i am constantly reminded of something.
Something good, something bad - just something.
Today, i was reminded of you. I was reminded of you, and loving you. And how great i was at it, well, sometimes.
Actually, i think we were both quite lousy at it, to tell you the truth. But, we loved, nevertheless. It always baffles me at how long we've lasted at the proposal we both made. And the more i think about it, the more stupid it seems. But i dont' think i could have made a better decision. I now know that i do, and always will, love you.
Out of sight, out of mind, right?
Wrong.
Whoever came up with that, really just should have never opened their mouths to begin with.
A child never forgets their parents who may have passed away, just because they aren't around to be seen.
A lover never forgets what love is, just because their loved one is no longer around, either.
I don't see my best friends every day; it doesn't mean that i become unaware of their existence.
Out of sight, out of mind...right.
I heard something acutely (for lack of a better word) STUPID, today - my anecdote, begins now.
I took a shopping trip to the Towncenter today with a co-worker of mine, whom of which has now become one of my dearest friends. Anyway, after browsing at a few stores and subconscious wishlist making, my creeper senses began tingling as i overheard a young lady's conversation. I could not make out certain parts of the conversation, but my ignorance of her previous statements suddenly seemed so irrelevant when i heard her say, "he loved me too much. it got annoying."
Loved...too much? ABSURD. No such thing! Now, i know plenty of people who have been in love, and those very people would find this woman's claim to be exceedingly esoteric considering the only people who think love can happen in an overabundance, are those who have never truly loved - that's a small group of people.
All too often i see souls walking around with only half of themselves because they have fallen victim to unrequited love, the most vicious of Love's cousins. Unrequited love strips apart it's victims of every emotion necessary for mending their own broken hearts. It leaves it's victims weak, vulnerable, cynical, and bitter. Love then, loses a friend.
All too often marriages are broken, families are torn, tears are shed, hurtful words are said.
Knowing that there is such a potent need to for love, one can only scoff at the idea of "loving too much."
Love is the last, and only real duty that we have as humans to one another. Without love, we would be nothing. No souls would be lifted, no smiles would be given. Encouragement would not exist, nor would sympathy. I mean, sanity thrives on affection. It really does. Without love, there is no affection. Without love, we'd be crazy. But then again, we already are crazy. Crazy IN love. Because, thankfully, love does exist.
Love is the only act of man that requires the smallest necessity of materialism. Love allows two people to go out and laugh at nothing and to be joyous and well, in love, just to be in each other's company. Love allows people to no longer see a phone bill as a burden, but as a reminder that someone special is always on the other end of the receiver. Love allows people to take a break from the wild nights out, in exchange for a quiet night in. Love allows distance to feel so minuscule no matter the miles, because it is so strong. Love allows to get angry quicker than we normally would, but to apologize even faster because we know it's not worth the pain. Love balances out what it allows, with what it is given. If it is given purity and truth, it allows happiness. If Love is given doubt and sentimental pretense, it allows heartbreak. Love is the only thing, that really, makes sense; despite the constant changes and absence of predictability. Love is like politics and democracy; it's messy, but it works.
It is never really a matter of someone loving another, "too much," but rather a matter of the other not loving enough.
Now that, that is believable.
Too much love? Unfathomable.
I've had a long day and i'm dog tired.
I love you, nonetheless.
Cheers, darling.
-jLv
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Just give me some candy.
Before i go.
Oh Paolo, the things you do to me.
Hello, hello again.
I've had a bit more free time, today; more than i would this day on any other week.
So, with that, instead of feeding my not-so-frugal habits, i will write to you instead.
Loving you is less expensive, anyway.
Isn't it funny? Love can be so inexpensive - that is, if you're not Hugh and his playboy bunnies, or Kanye and Jamie Foxx with their prenups. Anyway.
Love can be so inexpensive. Being in the presence of your significant other, doing nothing, spending nothing, and just enjoying.
While love may be the cheapest act of man, it is also - at the same time - the most costly.
Many will go to the moon and back just for the ones they love. Some lose their jobs, some lose their friends, some lose their families, and oftentimes, some lose themselves.
They become so wrapped up in the other person, spending countless measurements of time with another, participating in daily activities with their partners, etc. Lovers like that become so close and intertwined with others, that when the sad day comes when they are left alone, they have no recollection as to how they used to function, solo.
Everything that was so basic to them prior to falling into love's ever changing woes, has now become unnatural, awkward, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar.
Now, i don't know about you, but i find knowing myself to be one the most important things in my life. No one else will ever know who you are if you don't have the slightest clue, either. When you lose yourself, your immediate solution is to find someone else to find you, FOR you.
Mistake.
While love is a team effort, you cannot be so dependent on others to figure everything out for you, for the both of you. Compromise is a two-way street.
I've been broken, lately. Never before have i ever felt so unsure as to how happy i am with myself. Now, don't get me wrong, i am proud of the person i am. I could not love myself more for being who i am, more. However, I did come very close to second guessing myself. I am a people pleaser. I will dive the deepest of the seas if it meant that i'd be making someone else happy. I will bend over backwards and frontwards if it meant putting a smile on someone's face. I try to please everyone. And, while i know that, that is a very impossible task, it does not discourage me from living my life daily with hopes to please at least one person. One act of random kindness is all it takes. Opening a door for someone, letting them have the last cookie, etc.
One person, in particular, made me feel as if i was in the wrong for being such a pleaser. While i won't refine my reasons for what i've done, how i am, and for every other accusation you have thrown my way, please understand that i accept your opinions. We are all entitled to our own opinions, no matter how many disagree with them. I disagree with you in that this was the right thing to do for people in our situation, but i will agree, to disagree.
It gets tiring, sometimes; you know, being such a lover.
I love to love, all in love. Love is something that will never falter in my eyes' interest. The way it takes so much time to even know who She is, and how She can take hold of you so quickly. Love is so beautiful. It allows one to see the beauty of the brightest of colors, the most serene of views, the most tasteful of foods, all in one person. To be so fascinated with another fascinates me. You can always tell when someone is in love. Love gives us something to think about when we really don't want to think about anything, actually. It gives us a sort of, distinction, if you will, amongst our peers. Our smiles seem bigger, our laughter seems louder, and our cries, seem harder.
Love intensifies the good, but also magnifies the bad. We fall twice as hard, we hurt twice as bad. Do not forget that when we allow ourselves to be crazily happy, we are allowing ourselves to be eligible to be just as crazily saddened. It's a trade off. Love is balanced. You are allowed to be incandescently happy, just as long as you know that you must exchange those moments of good, for moments of bad.
And that's the funny thing, it always baffles me; moments.
Moments make up our daily lives. Nothing else, but moments. Sure most of them are lousy, but we manage to snag a good one every now and then.
One thing's for sure, i will never stop loving you :)
I'm still waiting patiently for my chance to love again.
To be a part of one of my favorite things, ever.
It will happen, i'm sure. It's just a matter of waiting for my chance to snag that good moment.
Take care, dear.
-jLv
Oh Paolo, the things you do to me.
Hello, hello again.
I've had a bit more free time, today; more than i would this day on any other week.
So, with that, instead of feeding my not-so-frugal habits, i will write to you instead.
Loving you is less expensive, anyway.
Isn't it funny? Love can be so inexpensive - that is, if you're not Hugh and his playboy bunnies, or Kanye and Jamie Foxx with their prenups. Anyway.
Love can be so inexpensive. Being in the presence of your significant other, doing nothing, spending nothing, and just enjoying.
While love may be the cheapest act of man, it is also - at the same time - the most costly.
Many will go to the moon and back just for the ones they love. Some lose their jobs, some lose their friends, some lose their families, and oftentimes, some lose themselves.
They become so wrapped up in the other person, spending countless measurements of time with another, participating in daily activities with their partners, etc. Lovers like that become so close and intertwined with others, that when the sad day comes when they are left alone, they have no recollection as to how they used to function, solo.
Everything that was so basic to them prior to falling into love's ever changing woes, has now become unnatural, awkward, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar.
Now, i don't know about you, but i find knowing myself to be one the most important things in my life. No one else will ever know who you are if you don't have the slightest clue, either. When you lose yourself, your immediate solution is to find someone else to find you, FOR you.
Mistake.
While love is a team effort, you cannot be so dependent on others to figure everything out for you, for the both of you. Compromise is a two-way street.
I've been broken, lately. Never before have i ever felt so unsure as to how happy i am with myself. Now, don't get me wrong, i am proud of the person i am. I could not love myself more for being who i am, more. However, I did come very close to second guessing myself. I am a people pleaser. I will dive the deepest of the seas if it meant that i'd be making someone else happy. I will bend over backwards and frontwards if it meant putting a smile on someone's face. I try to please everyone. And, while i know that, that is a very impossible task, it does not discourage me from living my life daily with hopes to please at least one person. One act of random kindness is all it takes. Opening a door for someone, letting them have the last cookie, etc.
One person, in particular, made me feel as if i was in the wrong for being such a pleaser. While i won't refine my reasons for what i've done, how i am, and for every other accusation you have thrown my way, please understand that i accept your opinions. We are all entitled to our own opinions, no matter how many disagree with them. I disagree with you in that this was the right thing to do for people in our situation, but i will agree, to disagree.
It gets tiring, sometimes; you know, being such a lover.
I love to love, all in love. Love is something that will never falter in my eyes' interest. The way it takes so much time to even know who She is, and how She can take hold of you so quickly. Love is so beautiful. It allows one to see the beauty of the brightest of colors, the most serene of views, the most tasteful of foods, all in one person. To be so fascinated with another fascinates me. You can always tell when someone is in love. Love gives us something to think about when we really don't want to think about anything, actually. It gives us a sort of, distinction, if you will, amongst our peers. Our smiles seem bigger, our laughter seems louder, and our cries, seem harder.
Love intensifies the good, but also magnifies the bad. We fall twice as hard, we hurt twice as bad. Do not forget that when we allow ourselves to be crazily happy, we are allowing ourselves to be eligible to be just as crazily saddened. It's a trade off. Love is balanced. You are allowed to be incandescently happy, just as long as you know that you must exchange those moments of good, for moments of bad.
And that's the funny thing, it always baffles me; moments.
Moments make up our daily lives. Nothing else, but moments. Sure most of them are lousy, but we manage to snag a good one every now and then.
One thing's for sure, i will never stop loving you :)
I'm still waiting patiently for my chance to love again.
To be a part of one of my favorite things, ever.
It will happen, i'm sure. It's just a matter of waiting for my chance to snag that good moment.
Take care, dear.
-jLv
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Rules and Regulations.
Not exactly my way of expressing these things, obviously.
But, you get the gist of it, right?
RULE #1
Don't be a booty call,
If he don't respect you girl he gon' forget you girl,
NOW 2
If he's in a relationship
And he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you.
RULE 3
Tell him that you're celibate
And if he wants some of your goodies he gon' have to work for it.
RULE 4
Be the person you wanna find
Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime.
Special thanks to my Facebook news feed for providing such simple and vital information.
Happy Sunday, y'all.
GodisLOVE.
-jLv
But, you get the gist of it, right?
RULE #1
Don't be a booty call,
If he don't respect you girl he gon' forget you girl,
NOW 2
If he's in a relationship
And he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you.
RULE 3
Tell him that you're celibate
And if he wants some of your goodies he gon' have to work for it.
RULE 4
Be the person you wanna find
Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime.
Special thanks to my Facebook news feed for providing such simple and vital information.
Happy Sunday, y'all.
GodisLOVE.
-jLv
Friday, August 13, 2010
Child, let me tell you.
Love can overcome any addiction.
Hell, it IS one.
According to my calculations, I face about 10 opportunities daily where I am urged to write myself reminders to be sure that I share with you what i was witnessing.
That means, I'm fascinated with one thing every hour that I am at work, with an additional few subjects in the hours that remain for leisure.
Conclusively, I constantly wish to share every moment of the sun's daily cycle with you, my love.
I was watching Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman the other night.
I think i've watched that movie enough times to recite it in my sleep. Oh wait, i already do.
Anyway, they talked about forgiveness, a lot. Not that, you know, that was the whole theme of the story or anything.
ANYWAY! it suddenly became very clear to me that it's not exactly the best idea to open one door, before closing the other. Why would you bother starting something when you haven't finished something else? Why would you attempt to like someone else, when you never stopped loving another? Why begin an intro, when you never reached a conclusion...food for thought.
Forgive them, For you.
Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, you know. Actually, it's a messy thing. It's kind of like Blame. No one ever really wants to take the blame for anything; and just as so, no one ever really wants to be the first to initiate forgiveness. Faults are constantly up for grabs and no one ever really wants to take it. You wanna know why? It's because we are all too proud. We all have this inherent pride, where, if we admit to being in the wrong, or if we apologize and show our vulnerability, it'd be as if the whole world around us would come crashing down. But let me tell you something about pride. Pride, she's nothing. She will swallow you whole, and when you die, oh, when you die, she'll die with you. And just like that, you lived your life with a false sense of security, with this false mindset that you truly were too good to say, "I'm sorry."
Pride will ruin your best of friendships and your most intimate of relationships. What's so wrong with being sorry, anyway? Nothing. Because when you forgive someone, for WHATEVER it may be, you are doing a world of wonders for yourself. Call it selfish, but I'd want to forgive the world for things that haven't even happened yet if it meant that i'd benefit. You are cleansing yourself of guilt. You are buying yourself time with the ones you love most. Now, i know that sounds foolish - buying time. But, if you think of all the time you'd have wasted because you didn't want to say you were sorry, or forgive someone because nothing was EVER your fault, you'd have wasted...well, a lot of time. I've preached to you before just how precious time really is, already. No need for a repeat. I'm not a grade school teacher. So when you finally swallow your pride, you'll find yourself gaining an abundance of time to spend genuinely with those that matter most to you. Lovely and precious moments to share.
After all, that's what life is. Just a bundle of moments. Sure, a lot of them are pretty lousy, but we manage to snag a good one ever now and then. And those are the one's we cherish the most.
The tricky part is, what happens when you're the one that is constantly apologizing?
What happens when you start to realize that the only reason why you and another are even still communicating is because you apologize incessantly for even being upset to begin with. You apologize just so everything will be forgotten and over with. You apologize just because it gets everything out of the way; like a quick fix. Why should you apologize for feeling the way you do? Why should you apologize if the other person won't even hesitate to prevent you from becoming upset, anyway? I'll tell you why. It's because you care. Because you value your relationships with others so much, that you wont pay the price for their sentimental procrastination. The idea of your relationships deteriorating is so disheartening that you're willing to say sorry for their mistakes. It's the kind thing to do, but not the best. Don't you realize that you're bending over forward and back for someone who won't hesitate to turn the other cheek? "I'm sorry's" are like "I love you's". They are often overused and quickly lose their meaning. Only apologize when you need to. Because when you're the only one saying sorry, you're the only one showing pure love, as well.
I forgive you. Always.
But that's because i'm a professional lover, as well. It's what i do best.
Take care, sweets.
-jLv
Hell, it IS one.
According to my calculations, I face about 10 opportunities daily where I am urged to write myself reminders to be sure that I share with you what i was witnessing.
That means, I'm fascinated with one thing every hour that I am at work, with an additional few subjects in the hours that remain for leisure.
Conclusively, I constantly wish to share every moment of the sun's daily cycle with you, my love.
I was watching Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman the other night.
I think i've watched that movie enough times to recite it in my sleep. Oh wait, i already do.
Anyway, they talked about forgiveness, a lot. Not that, you know, that was the whole theme of the story or anything.
ANYWAY! it suddenly became very clear to me that it's not exactly the best idea to open one door, before closing the other. Why would you bother starting something when you haven't finished something else? Why would you attempt to like someone else, when you never stopped loving another? Why begin an intro, when you never reached a conclusion...food for thought.
Forgive them, For you.
Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, you know. Actually, it's a messy thing. It's kind of like Blame. No one ever really wants to take the blame for anything; and just as so, no one ever really wants to be the first to initiate forgiveness. Faults are constantly up for grabs and no one ever really wants to take it. You wanna know why? It's because we are all too proud. We all have this inherent pride, where, if we admit to being in the wrong, or if we apologize and show our vulnerability, it'd be as if the whole world around us would come crashing down. But let me tell you something about pride. Pride, she's nothing. She will swallow you whole, and when you die, oh, when you die, she'll die with you. And just like that, you lived your life with a false sense of security, with this false mindset that you truly were too good to say, "I'm sorry."
Pride will ruin your best of friendships and your most intimate of relationships. What's so wrong with being sorry, anyway? Nothing. Because when you forgive someone, for WHATEVER it may be, you are doing a world of wonders for yourself. Call it selfish, but I'd want to forgive the world for things that haven't even happened yet if it meant that i'd benefit. You are cleansing yourself of guilt. You are buying yourself time with the ones you love most. Now, i know that sounds foolish - buying time. But, if you think of all the time you'd have wasted because you didn't want to say you were sorry, or forgive someone because nothing was EVER your fault, you'd have wasted...well, a lot of time. I've preached to you before just how precious time really is, already. No need for a repeat. I'm not a grade school teacher. So when you finally swallow your pride, you'll find yourself gaining an abundance of time to spend genuinely with those that matter most to you. Lovely and precious moments to share.
After all, that's what life is. Just a bundle of moments. Sure, a lot of them are pretty lousy, but we manage to snag a good one ever now and then. And those are the one's we cherish the most.
The tricky part is, what happens when you're the one that is constantly apologizing?
What happens when you start to realize that the only reason why you and another are even still communicating is because you apologize incessantly for even being upset to begin with. You apologize just so everything will be forgotten and over with. You apologize just because it gets everything out of the way; like a quick fix. Why should you apologize for feeling the way you do? Why should you apologize if the other person won't even hesitate to prevent you from becoming upset, anyway? I'll tell you why. It's because you care. Because you value your relationships with others so much, that you wont pay the price for their sentimental procrastination. The idea of your relationships deteriorating is so disheartening that you're willing to say sorry for their mistakes. It's the kind thing to do, but not the best. Don't you realize that you're bending over forward and back for someone who won't hesitate to turn the other cheek? "I'm sorry's" are like "I love you's". They are often overused and quickly lose their meaning. Only apologize when you need to. Because when you're the only one saying sorry, you're the only one showing pure love, as well.
I forgive you. Always.
But that's because i'm a professional lover, as well. It's what i do best.
Take care, sweets.
-jLv
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Quality is what you see
in the corner of your eye.
it's only been 3 days, and i've already returned to you. that's love, right?
no, that's just me being incandescently happy and inspired as of lately.
don't be mistaken, though, i do love you, a lot :)
Aside from your sweet, sweet love and your opulent way of being my favorite thing to behold, i'm constantly inspired by an others' thoughts and ideas. the constant Socratic battle between my beliefs and views in line with someone else's is so riveting and creatively moving that it is perhaps my favorite sensation next to sneezing. i love a good sneeze. Jason Mraz, for many years, has been far more than just a musician that i accredit the soundtrack of my life during most of my teenage maturing to, but he is also a great thinker. He sees things in a similar light as i do, but for some reason his suave - and at the same time - quirky aura renders his sight all the more luminous compared to mine. He is the salt to a bland dish.
I watched a video, recently.
The man in the video was witness to a double-rainbow. And while the fascination we have all held with rainbows may have died when we reached our teens because we were suddenly all too cool for them, this man was drawn deep into appreciation.
I'm almost positive time travel was, for one moment, successful and sent him back to his childhood.
Wouldn't the world be a far better place if we could all remind ourselves to stop and smell the roses? If we could all bottle up our childhood enthusiasm and release it out onto current daily events and happenings as if we were so excited that we must be staring at triple, or even quadruple rainbows? If we could remind ourselves that material things and diamonds and rings were things that issued us a false sort of appreciation? What have we done? We have become so demanding and selfish that we never appreciate ANYTHING anymore. We never appreciate our loved ones until something happens. Come to think of it, we never appreciate anything or anyone until misfortune comes into play. We are all inherently selfish, but i believe happiness should be simple and born of the simplest of things. Today is my 5th birthday, and you are my rainbow.
My life has become so impetuously routine. Allow me to refine.
Lately, i've been going to bed with the thought of not knowing what my dawn's plans are. In other words, I go to bed with no plans for the next day. Yet, every day i always find myself with something to do. And then i wonder where the time has gone.
I remind myself daily of my life commitment towards doing something differently. Drinking water or holding my phone while switching off daily between which extremity will do the job is about as different as it gets. But i make sure to throw in a new way of doing everyday tasks as often as i can. ANYWAY, my life is constantly boring. Does it make any sense? Regardless of the planned outings, i make it a point to take a breath in of my surroundings and to not let the dog out on comings and goings through the door.
I hope you've been good to yourself. I know i've told you that before, but i must reiterate as often as i can.
You are remarkable and must be handled with care. The next stranger you meet, be sure to tell them your from the postal service - Handle With Care ;)
Be on the lookout for rainbows, sweets.
They're everywhere as long as your open to seeing them.
-jLv
it's only been 3 days, and i've already returned to you. that's love, right?
no, that's just me being incandescently happy and inspired as of lately.
don't be mistaken, though, i do love you, a lot :)
Aside from your sweet, sweet love and your opulent way of being my favorite thing to behold, i'm constantly inspired by an others' thoughts and ideas. the constant Socratic battle between my beliefs and views in line with someone else's is so riveting and creatively moving that it is perhaps my favorite sensation next to sneezing. i love a good sneeze. Jason Mraz, for many years, has been far more than just a musician that i accredit the soundtrack of my life during most of my teenage maturing to, but he is also a great thinker. He sees things in a similar light as i do, but for some reason his suave - and at the same time - quirky aura renders his sight all the more luminous compared to mine. He is the salt to a bland dish.
I watched a video, recently.
The man in the video was witness to a double-rainbow. And while the fascination we have all held with rainbows may have died when we reached our teens because we were suddenly all too cool for them, this man was drawn deep into appreciation.
I'm almost positive time travel was, for one moment, successful and sent him back to his childhood.
Wouldn't the world be a far better place if we could all remind ourselves to stop and smell the roses? If we could all bottle up our childhood enthusiasm and release it out onto current daily events and happenings as if we were so excited that we must be staring at triple, or even quadruple rainbows? If we could remind ourselves that material things and diamonds and rings were things that issued us a false sort of appreciation? What have we done? We have become so demanding and selfish that we never appreciate ANYTHING anymore. We never appreciate our loved ones until something happens. Come to think of it, we never appreciate anything or anyone until misfortune comes into play. We are all inherently selfish, but i believe happiness should be simple and born of the simplest of things. Today is my 5th birthday, and you are my rainbow.
My life has become so impetuously routine. Allow me to refine.
Lately, i've been going to bed with the thought of not knowing what my dawn's plans are. In other words, I go to bed with no plans for the next day. Yet, every day i always find myself with something to do. And then i wonder where the time has gone.
I remind myself daily of my life commitment towards doing something differently. Drinking water or holding my phone while switching off daily between which extremity will do the job is about as different as it gets. But i make sure to throw in a new way of doing everyday tasks as often as i can. ANYWAY, my life is constantly boring. Does it make any sense? Regardless of the planned outings, i make it a point to take a breath in of my surroundings and to not let the dog out on comings and goings through the door.
I hope you've been good to yourself. I know i've told you that before, but i must reiterate as often as i can.
You are remarkable and must be handled with care. The next stranger you meet, be sure to tell them your from the postal service - Handle With Care ;)
Be on the lookout for rainbows, sweets.
They're everywhere as long as your open to seeing them.
-jLv
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
There's nothing we can do about.
The things we have to live without.
Of all the times that I have gone with endless numbers of hourglasses running out until I return to these pages, I will admit that this has been the longest. And with this realization comes an additional epiphany; that my happiest and most thorough writings only were born from the moments in which you were still around.
I wholeheartedly apologize for my long leave, darling. And while it does not excuse what’s been done, just know that I still have loved you enough to return to you. I hope you have been kind to yourself and to your others.
So close to feeling alive.
…or so I thought.
A good time or so ago, I made a decision that took every ounce of willpower that my blood pumper and weakened soul to make. And though I expected the opposing party to indeed, oppose, my decision, they agreed with the thought and that was that. For days at a time I was in denial as to how lost I really was. It was new, it was different. It was like doing everything with my left hand. I was capable of functioning just fine and getting by, but never once did anything I accomplished feel “right.” Never before have I ever wanted to be ambidextrous.
You and I –well, I should say, ‘he and I’- had attempted to forget each other multiple times; but not like this. For once, we followed through. Or at least, you did. I always wondered when it would stop; the constant wondering, how your name crossed my mind almost as much as I took breaths, everything. And I can honestly say, it hasn’t stopped at all. Maybe that means something, or maybe it’s just my own helplessness calling out for a step forward.
Sure, I’ve given others a chance. Bachelors of all sorts – the kind, the cold, the dorky, the suave, the near, the far, the tall, the short – but to my own mistake, I did the worst thing a lover should ever do: compare. Constantly comparing everyone to someone else is just a concealed way of looking for the other person’s clone. You’re holding me back without even trying. The worst thing is, the day that I go a full sun’s routine without thinking of you, I won’t even be aware of it to enjoy it. Sickeningly ironic.
DigressDigressDigress
I’ve been disgustingly busy lately. My debutante’s ball took place just this past weekend. (For those unaware of what a debutante is, it is similar to a Quincinera, but for those turning 18. A sort of “coming out” party, if you will.) Never before has preparation for an event been so stressful. My mother and I reached the (I hope) climax of our teenage-mother battles and I had found more gray hairs in one month than I have in my lifetime. Nevertheless, I had a ball (literally and metaphorically!) and would not trade a single moment of that evening for anything. Although, I had only wished you were there to see me.
Everyone is moving so far away. While I am endlessly happy for those going of to Universities to make something of themselves and/or to pursue paths that would further their athletic careers, the feeling is bittersweet. I was never good with goodbyes. And while the “see you soon’s” are comforting, every now and then we must sacrifice comfort with reality. I may in fact, never see you soon or ever again, but I wish you all the best of luck, sincerely and dearly. I’ve always been fascinated with the directions we are taken in sync with our decisions, and I hope that the turns your decisions make for you in your life’s drive lead you to your ideal destination. Love, love, love, to you all.
I still often dream about the day that I find someone to love that I know will not be here forever. But, in love, they will remain for always. I still wonder how it will feel to be able to tell someone “yeah, he’s with me.” It will be that kind of love where you can still feel the other person’s heartbeat for a thousand miles. The kind of love that even time will lie down and be still for. I often wonder how often people find that love. While some claim to have found it more than once, there are those who make no claim at all. Of course, there are the false claims. The plastic kind. The kind of love where one marries for fortune and loses their self respect. I would much rather love a poor man and be able to live with myself and the actions I’ve made from the day I said, “I do.”
I’d like to take a moment to formally apologize.
To apologize for any inadvertent emotional despair I’ve caushed.
To apologize for not keeping my word.
To apologize for being inconsiderate of the way you feel.
To apologize for blaming my actions on poor excuses.
To apologize for not being capable of letting love in as often as I preach about wanting to.
To apologize for my many contradictory statements and condescending actions.
And especially, apologize to someone in particular. It was wrong of me to bring you into my mess. I tried my best to remain as honest as possible with you. I just was never one to believe in starting something that i could not begin with a full and strong 100%. I don't expect you to wait for me to be ready. I cannot give you promises, i cannot tell you WHEN i'll be ready. I have yet to figure that out, myself. Thank you for being the genuine and kind person you have been since day one. I'm trying. I am.
You know, it’s funny, I could never say I was sorry.
I was never wrong.
Maybe that’s what our time apart has taught me; that I’m not always right. Sometimes, none of us ever are.
I wish you love. I wish you happiness. I wish to hear wonderful stories from you, one day over coffee. Stories about how happy you are, and how happy I am – even though we both know half of the world only claims to be happy to avoid a vulnerable profile.
Keep your chin up, sweets.
I want everyone to see the face that I love the most ☺
-jLv
Of all the times that I have gone with endless numbers of hourglasses running out until I return to these pages, I will admit that this has been the longest. And with this realization comes an additional epiphany; that my happiest and most thorough writings only were born from the moments in which you were still around.
I wholeheartedly apologize for my long leave, darling. And while it does not excuse what’s been done, just know that I still have loved you enough to return to you. I hope you have been kind to yourself and to your others.
So close to feeling alive.
…or so I thought.
A good time or so ago, I made a decision that took every ounce of willpower that my blood pumper and weakened soul to make. And though I expected the opposing party to indeed, oppose, my decision, they agreed with the thought and that was that. For days at a time I was in denial as to how lost I really was. It was new, it was different. It was like doing everything with my left hand. I was capable of functioning just fine and getting by, but never once did anything I accomplished feel “right.” Never before have I ever wanted to be ambidextrous.
You and I –well, I should say, ‘he and I’- had attempted to forget each other multiple times; but not like this. For once, we followed through. Or at least, you did. I always wondered when it would stop; the constant wondering, how your name crossed my mind almost as much as I took breaths, everything. And I can honestly say, it hasn’t stopped at all. Maybe that means something, or maybe it’s just my own helplessness calling out for a step forward.
Sure, I’ve given others a chance. Bachelors of all sorts – the kind, the cold, the dorky, the suave, the near, the far, the tall, the short – but to my own mistake, I did the worst thing a lover should ever do: compare. Constantly comparing everyone to someone else is just a concealed way of looking for the other person’s clone. You’re holding me back without even trying. The worst thing is, the day that I go a full sun’s routine without thinking of you, I won’t even be aware of it to enjoy it. Sickeningly ironic.
DigressDigressDigress
I’ve been disgustingly busy lately. My debutante’s ball took place just this past weekend. (For those unaware of what a debutante is, it is similar to a Quincinera, but for those turning 18. A sort of “coming out” party, if you will.) Never before has preparation for an event been so stressful. My mother and I reached the (I hope) climax of our teenage-mother battles and I had found more gray hairs in one month than I have in my lifetime. Nevertheless, I had a ball (literally and metaphorically!) and would not trade a single moment of that evening for anything. Although, I had only wished you were there to see me.
Everyone is moving so far away. While I am endlessly happy for those going of to Universities to make something of themselves and/or to pursue paths that would further their athletic careers, the feeling is bittersweet. I was never good with goodbyes. And while the “see you soon’s” are comforting, every now and then we must sacrifice comfort with reality. I may in fact, never see you soon or ever again, but I wish you all the best of luck, sincerely and dearly. I’ve always been fascinated with the directions we are taken in sync with our decisions, and I hope that the turns your decisions make for you in your life’s drive lead you to your ideal destination. Love, love, love, to you all.
I still often dream about the day that I find someone to love that I know will not be here forever. But, in love, they will remain for always. I still wonder how it will feel to be able to tell someone “yeah, he’s with me.” It will be that kind of love where you can still feel the other person’s heartbeat for a thousand miles. The kind of love that even time will lie down and be still for. I often wonder how often people find that love. While some claim to have found it more than once, there are those who make no claim at all. Of course, there are the false claims. The plastic kind. The kind of love where one marries for fortune and loses their self respect. I would much rather love a poor man and be able to live with myself and the actions I’ve made from the day I said, “I do.”
I’d like to take a moment to formally apologize.
To apologize for any inadvertent emotional despair I’ve caushed.
To apologize for not keeping my word.
To apologize for being inconsiderate of the way you feel.
To apologize for blaming my actions on poor excuses.
To apologize for not being capable of letting love in as often as I preach about wanting to.
To apologize for my many contradictory statements and condescending actions.
And especially, apologize to someone in particular. It was wrong of me to bring you into my mess. I tried my best to remain as honest as possible with you. I just was never one to believe in starting something that i could not begin with a full and strong 100%. I don't expect you to wait for me to be ready. I cannot give you promises, i cannot tell you WHEN i'll be ready. I have yet to figure that out, myself. Thank you for being the genuine and kind person you have been since day one. I'm trying. I am.
You know, it’s funny, I could never say I was sorry.
I was never wrong.
Maybe that’s what our time apart has taught me; that I’m not always right. Sometimes, none of us ever are.
I wish you love. I wish you happiness. I wish to hear wonderful stories from you, one day over coffee. Stories about how happy you are, and how happy I am – even though we both know half of the world only claims to be happy to avoid a vulnerable profile.
Keep your chin up, sweets.
I want everyone to see the face that I love the most ☺
-jLv
Sunday, March 7, 2010
i don't trust myself with loving you.
well, it's been a while since my last post.
i apologize for the wait. i've just had a lot recently put on my plate and i've been paying my dues for biting off more than i can chew.
let me start off first, by making a list of things that i find beautiful.
1) the efforts being made for Haitian and Chilean relief after these devastating natural disasters.
2) the realization and acceptance of unrequited love.
3) James Franco, also nuff said.
4) John Mayer, nuff said.
5) Jason Mraz, nothing new.
6) Christan Bale, yes <3
7) and Spiderman. but we wont go there.
I am, indeed, one of the biggest advocates for victims of natural disasters, victims of family trouble, and victims of anything that adds to the daily stress that we all have a hard enough time dealing with. I love the idea of helping people. I love actually helping people. i love knowing that i am giving forth efforts and love and compassion that i know i greatly appreciate when i'm in need. i love those who help me when i'm down. I love being the person that, well, i love. Anyway, i saw this video the other day and thought it was just darling! <3 one day, i'll take off a year or so doing charity work/missionary work. it's a good feeling knowing you're doing your part to help out with something that those in need can do little, to almost nothing, about.
next on the list, unrequited love.
it happened again; i let myself become completely infatuated with another.
i love to love. there's no other duty, that we as human beings have to one another, other than love, that i enjoy taking part in.
it gives us something to think about, and a sort of distinction amongst our peers when we're absolutely glowing and grinning with love shining through our eyes and pearly whites. it's so easy to do, so risky to do, and a lot of the time, a little short of a team effort. it takes two, really. love is a compromise. and compromise, is a two-way street. in the words of Fergie, Meet Me Halfway. (by the way, Fergie is the ISH.) i am the biggest victim of unrequited love.
In unrequited love, one of the lovers realizes that there is no longer any love coming from the other. it becomes a one way street, a solo performance. it happens to me almost all of the time, and it has happened again.
another thing, long distance. whether its friendship, love, family, whatever. let me tell you something about long distance.
"contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they dont see it nearly enough."
i was always the person to think that the distance would push me away from love, from getting involved to begin with. but oddly enough, i was wrong. the distance makes me fall in love with all aspects of the person that are far from tangible - the mind. i know that i said "aspectS", emphasis on the 'S', which if we all paid attention in grade school, that means more than one. and, i know, that i said "mind" meaning just one. the mind is, indeed, made of so many things, but even so, i count it as one.
okay, enough math.
now, 95% of today's love focuses on physical affection, and well, attraction. but that can only get you so far. after all, time erodes all such beauty, but what it cannot diminish, are the wonderful workings of one's mind. the courage, the affection, our memories, our knowledge, and everything that makes us, well, us. that's the love that one finds over the phone, and in the mail. and then the tiny fragments of time that allow the social art of love to be fully fulfilled, visits, just seem to be a huge bonus and a final completion.
unfortunately, my dear friend that lives so far away could care less, if at all.
and all i have left to show for it is a number of frequent flyer points, luggage tags, old polaroids, and a clean slate to start over with.
it's hard to be friends with someone who doesn't know that they hurt you without trying.
without any mutual affection, care and attention, trust, honesty, the list goes on, a friendship, any connection, fails.
after all, with no words or gestures, what evidence of care will we have to go on? i wish you love, darling. take care :)
John Mayer is one of the most beautiful men alive. i could care less about the things that media throws his way. He simply acted as the majority of people on the planet do, and it just so happened to be that his name, his fame-filled name, gave him the trouble. it doesn't matter what he said, he is still one of the most talented and gorgeous men alive. that's all.
James Franco, too, is ridiculously beautiful. and Christian Bale? jaw-droppingly perfect. Spiderman too, so fine. dont ask.
okay, well, im done ranting for the day.
i've got to get back to taking over the kitchen and making dinner for the girls.
we're having the ultimate ladies night for the Oscars :)
take care, y'all.
in joy, enjoy.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
with such purity, i cant help but swoon.
Other than Dean Martin's heavenly crooning, John Mayer's soothing chords, Josh Groban's moving bellows, and Jason Mraz's overall perfection ;) i'd like to recognize Alex Wagner-Trugman for making me swoon at 1 am.
I just thought i'd share just how wonderful he really is.
In Joy, Enjoy.
-jLv
ps.
I'd have to say, SAVE THE FIRST ONE FOR LAST.
otherwise, it just wouldn't have the same effect :)
I just thought i'd share just how wonderful he really is.
In Joy, Enjoy.
-jLv
ps.
I'd have to say, SAVE THE FIRST ONE FOR LAST.
otherwise, it just wouldn't have the same effect :)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
We must learn to live together as brothers.
or perish together as fools.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
I watched a video today in World Religions that discussed the life, accomplishments, temporary falls, and works of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I always knew he was a great man. I just never knew how great. He is truly a gift from God, an incredible and miraculous individual. People all wanted the same thing, but he had the courage to make a move, to START A MOVEMENT.
No one accomplished anything in a matter of immediate timing. Moses did not escape Pharaoh's wrath in a day. Rome, of course, was not built in a day. He started a movement, that exerted echoes which were felt monumentally. I would give anything to have an impact that large. He serves as an example to me, that i am capable of just about anything. He serves as an example to everyone, that everyone is capable of something. He saw everyone as equal. He saw everyone as no one but God's children. He saw hate as a waste of energy and Love as the only real duty that we have to each other. Honestly, any one who feels as strong about Love and kins gestures as i do, is a remarkable person; especially when sincerity is nearing extinction. He would have made a great president, no doubt in my mind. Educated, Sincere, Moral (despite a few mistakes) and Genuine. In this day in age, it's nearly impossible to take any of the two preceding and find them combined. I wish we all had HALF the amount of passion this man did. The passion to make a movement. The passion to better the reality of the present, so that we could endure the hopeful dreams of the future. If I have ever had a hero, seriously and most respectfully, he is IT.
I am ashamed that his works and efforts, had he been alive today, would be faced with the mediocrity of today's celebrities, today's language, and today's monotonous disrespect of everyday life. However, i do not doubt, with any bone in my body, or thought in my head, that he would be PROUD of the progress we have made. No more everyday brutality against those with the slightest bit of color to their skin. No more protesting for equality. We face conflicts every single day, and always will, yet we must remember to carry on his virtues and legacies and to not go back to old ways. Progress moves forward, and his efforts are not to be regressed upon in action. We are living proof that change is possible. We are history.
He fostered traits of Mohandas aka Mahatma Gandhi and i admire both of these men deeply. I am an advocate for love; in that everyone should adopt love and should practice sincerity. Hatred, hostility, and selfishness has become far too common to deny the presence of reconciliation and brotherhood. Small, acts of kindness is what allows us all to get by in some way throughout the day. A simple smile is all we truly need. Of course, some do not take to kindness as well as others, but we must show them that it is so much easier and more enjoyable to love than to disperse unkindness to our peers and strangers on the street. We are all in the same boat struggling deep down to get by, why not Love one another to make the struggle that much more bearable?
"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."
-Martin Luther King Jr.
"You can murder a hater, but you can't murder hate; And what we're trying to get rid of is hate."
-Martin Luther King Jr.
Someone buy me the full DVD for me? It's the History Channel's special on Martin Luther King Jr.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
I watched a video today in World Religions that discussed the life, accomplishments, temporary falls, and works of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I always knew he was a great man. I just never knew how great. He is truly a gift from God, an incredible and miraculous individual. People all wanted the same thing, but he had the courage to make a move, to START A MOVEMENT.
No one accomplished anything in a matter of immediate timing. Moses did not escape Pharaoh's wrath in a day. Rome, of course, was not built in a day. He started a movement, that exerted echoes which were felt monumentally. I would give anything to have an impact that large. He serves as an example to me, that i am capable of just about anything. He serves as an example to everyone, that everyone is capable of something. He saw everyone as equal. He saw everyone as no one but God's children. He saw hate as a waste of energy and Love as the only real duty that we have to each other. Honestly, any one who feels as strong about Love and kins gestures as i do, is a remarkable person; especially when sincerity is nearing extinction. He would have made a great president, no doubt in my mind. Educated, Sincere, Moral (despite a few mistakes) and Genuine. In this day in age, it's nearly impossible to take any of the two preceding and find them combined. I wish we all had HALF the amount of passion this man did. The passion to make a movement. The passion to better the reality of the present, so that we could endure the hopeful dreams of the future. If I have ever had a hero, seriously and most respectfully, he is IT.
I am ashamed that his works and efforts, had he been alive today, would be faced with the mediocrity of today's celebrities, today's language, and today's monotonous disrespect of everyday life. However, i do not doubt, with any bone in my body, or thought in my head, that he would be PROUD of the progress we have made. No more everyday brutality against those with the slightest bit of color to their skin. No more protesting for equality. We face conflicts every single day, and always will, yet we must remember to carry on his virtues and legacies and to not go back to old ways. Progress moves forward, and his efforts are not to be regressed upon in action. We are living proof that change is possible. We are history.
He fostered traits of Mohandas aka Mahatma Gandhi and i admire both of these men deeply. I am an advocate for love; in that everyone should adopt love and should practice sincerity. Hatred, hostility, and selfishness has become far too common to deny the presence of reconciliation and brotherhood. Small, acts of kindness is what allows us all to get by in some way throughout the day. A simple smile is all we truly need. Of course, some do not take to kindness as well as others, but we must show them that it is so much easier and more enjoyable to love than to disperse unkindness to our peers and strangers on the street. We are all in the same boat struggling deep down to get by, why not Love one another to make the struggle that much more bearable?
"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."
-Martin Luther King Jr.
"You can murder a hater, but you can't murder hate; And what we're trying to get rid of is hate."
-Martin Luther King Jr.
Someone buy me the full DVD for me? It's the History Channel's special on Martin Luther King Jr.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Story of My Life
it's almost disgusting as to how close this comes to our conversations. sad thing is, I Love You, and i'm leaving you. I wish you well, i wish you love. I hope we cross paths again one day; and if we do, well...i'll worry about it when it happens. but until then, Cheers, Darling.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Every Little Bit Helps.
Hey y'all.
I know how much you guys enjoy texting, but instead of sweet talkin' with your boo, or gossiping with your girls, i'm asking you all to put forth ONE text to a much more important cause.
As you all are, hopefully, aware of, there has been a tragic string of events in Haiti; one of, if not thee, poorest country in the world.
The devastation of the 7 richter scaled earthquake has burdened it's native citizens, as well as many Americans, with deaths of friends, loved ones, as well as the anxiety of those who are missing.
If you can, please please
PLEASE Text "Haiti" to 90999 to donate 10$ to aid the relief efforts. 100% of your donation goes through the American Red Cross for the Haitian relief. Your cell phone carrier keeps nothing!
Please, please y'all, take this one simple action for one little moment to help contribute to supply relief and to restore comfort to one of the largest and most desperate of devastating situations.
Thanks again.
-jLv
ps.
God is Love. In joy, Enjoy, His Love.
Here, educate yourselves!!
I know how much you guys enjoy texting, but instead of sweet talkin' with your boo, or gossiping with your girls, i'm asking you all to put forth ONE text to a much more important cause.
As you all are, hopefully, aware of, there has been a tragic string of events in Haiti; one of, if not thee, poorest country in the world.
The devastation of the 7 richter scaled earthquake has burdened it's native citizens, as well as many Americans, with deaths of friends, loved ones, as well as the anxiety of those who are missing.
If you can, please please
PLEASE Text "Haiti" to 90999 to donate 10$ to aid the relief efforts. 100% of your donation goes through the American Red Cross for the Haitian relief. Your cell phone carrier keeps nothing!
Please, please y'all, take this one simple action for one little moment to help contribute to supply relief and to restore comfort to one of the largest and most desperate of devastating situations.
Thanks again.
-jLv
ps.
God is Love. In joy, Enjoy, His Love.
Here, educate yourselves!!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
if that boy don't love you by now.
he will never, ever, never, ever, love you.
>>> HAHAHA!
the glow effect on my macbook helped me find my "sexy face"
well, according to my mom, anyway haha.
I'm coming down to the end of the 2nd quarter at school and i'm studying like crazy.
Which, i don't expect you to believe considering i'm writing this instead.
but thats okay.
Remember that one boy i told you about in my last entry, Zack?
Well, that didnt last long. In fact, within 12 hours of meeting the guy, i was completely done.
It took me a while to get over it and to laugh, so now i'm finally able to share the story with you.
Enjoy.
You know the story about how we met.
How i was creepy and giddy and waited inside Yogaberry for him to walk out of the restaurant next door and to walk passed the window?
And how he walked by, then walked back and came inside to ask me for my number?
WELL, forget how cute all that was.
I woke up the next morning to two missed calls and a voicemail.
Judging by the immediate timing between the two calls, i'd say the first call was intentional.
The second one, not so intentional. And as for the voicemail, definitely, unintentional.
I dialed up my voicemail and heres where it all starts.
After a good 5 minutes of hearing the guy and his friends laugh and scream in the most obvious of inebriated ways, i hear his buddies ask if he "called that asian girl yet."
He replied with a typical "yeah dude" and COULD have left it at that. but he continued...
"she didn't answer though. hope she calls back, man. she was so hot, i kept lookin' at her the whole time she was talkin' and just thought, 'dude, im gonna cum inside this girl!'..."
WHO.SAYS.THAT.
my jaw dropped to the floor and i honestly think i stopped breathing after hearing that.
Okay, i understand he was with his "boys" but if that's how you choose to talk about women and your attraction to them, don't look my way.
Now, i continued to listen to the message and he went on to dig himself into a deeper hole and talked about all of the people he associates with; all of which are people i cannot STAND.
i love everyone, i really do. But i wont go out of my way to speak to these people.
So, i ended the message and decided to text him, "thanks for butt dialing me and leaving me the longest message of my life!"
i COULD have said, "thanks for butt dialing me. just so you know, you wont be cumming anywhere near me; not beside me, not down the street from me, let alone inside of me."
but i didnt. i just ignored every call and text from him from that point on.
im disgusted with the male population, really.
that was unacceptable.
guys, be classy....or at least less disgustingly sleazy.
anyway, i'm ready for this week to be over.
but don't get me wrong, i'm thankful for each day that passes and that i've lived, as well as my family.
God is Love, y'all.
have a good one!
In Joy, Enjoy,
-jLv
Saturday, January 9, 2010
"what would you ask for?"
..."can i get some love?"
there's no stopping us.
i saw the cutest video the other night. one of those nights where i shut off my phone and disappeared for a while. i love quiet nights in. it gives me time to remember that i can breathe on my own, think of my own, get by, on my own.
anyway, it was a montage. just a whole bunch of clips of this adorable couple with the lovely lady visiting her long distance boyfriend for a week during Christmas. and within this week, he took her to as many places as possible. he even took her to Forks, the little town that Twilight was filmed at. Aside from the cute background music and editing, i loved the idea that it was a video of clips. clips, like, moments. and it was with that very thought that i realized, thats all that life really is. just a whole bunch of moments. usually they're lousy, but every now and then we manage to dig around and find a good one. And when we do, that's when we want to hold onto it as if we've never wanted to hold onto something before. as if it has so much value that letting it go would be like throwing away money in this 'recession.' savor every moment that you have, darlings. because really, thats all we have.
I've been able to see my twin, Erica Labad a lot more lately. i spent a bit of my New Years with her but left just in time to be with my family when the ball dropped. besides, i couldnt miss hearing my mom critiquing J-Lo throughout her NYC New Years performance. if you need a second opinion on your weight, ask my mom, she'll give it to you straight. I've missed her, i really have. thats all.
I was the gas station today when i ran into a friend of mine. this friend of mine also used to be my crush in 1st grade. (after typing that sentence, i realized that my infatuation with love started too early for my own good.) anyway, of course, in first grade, it was an unrequited crush where my love for him was futile, haha. N, HE, WAY, i saw him pull up a few pumps away from me. he saw my car, reversed, and relocated himself to the one nearest me. he said hello and smiled. he didnt know this, but i could see him through my window's reflection. he was watching me, the whole time. i couldnt help but laugh to myself. he still has his adorable charm that he had 11 years ago. except i dont desire to have him by my side anymore. i think its crazy what a few years of maturing will do to someone. be careful who you ignore, kiddies, you just might end up staring at them your next visit to the gas station.
this is when i usually tell you about a cute couple, a sad couple, a couple in the making, etc. that i saw recently, give my analysis, relate it my life and call it day. but surprisingly, i have my own story! nowhere near to the word 'couple' but it was still overwhelmingly cute. so, here goes nothing.
I went to Midtown Deli today, a new restaurant that just opened up at the beach by my work that, in a few words, blows Panera out of the water. anyway, i went with a dear friend of mine, Jessica Bowling. we sat down, ate our vegetable soup and drank the apple cider that was on the house due to their broken heater inside, teamed up with the 30 degree weather outside. towards the end of our endless conversation and binge eating session, 3 men came into the joint. One, so good looking you just knew he was trouble. Another, so handsome you didnt even want to try. and the Last one, who was so charmingly cute that i marked him mine. They sat a few tables away and i made sure not to stare as obviously as i normally do. horrible habit that ruins my game, i'd say. (did i mention that we were the only two parties in the place?) so, the Last one and i made eye contact every now and then, id hear whispers and nervous laughs when i'd walk by to pick up napkins or for whatever excuse i had to walk by. Eventually, Jessica and I left, and i still hadn't spoken to him. All disappointed, we walked out to my car and i stopped, dead in front of Yogaberry. there was NO way i was going to let him or my opportunity to meet him, slip away. so we went into Yogaberry which is located ever so conveniently next door to Midtown, and we planted ourselves at a table right by the window. No joke, while i was waiting for my order, i was praying to the Big Guy upstairs that he'd at least let me meet the Last one. So, i sat down and we ate our frozen yogurt. 10 minutes later, the attractive bunch walked by and i started to smile uncontrollably. Then, they stopped in the exact same spot that Jessica and I had stopped at earlier. Before i knew it, i heard Jessica saying, "He's coming! He's coming in!" it was in slow motion; he came inside, and approached me.
I dont think i was breathing the whole time we talked, but, he introduced himself, Zack is his name, and he earned my number.
It's only been 6 hours since i've met him and i feel as giddy as i did when i was 14 years old and met another person who had the same effect on me.
I just think, that had i not been brave and not lingered around a little bit longer, i'd have had to deal with the whole, "but what IF i actually did..." i cant stand those thoughts. they pester me, they irk me, they discomfort me.
thats all i have to say about that. maybe it's not half as exciting on paper, but when it happened, i could have sworn i was dreaming.
My Mom has been brainwashed with the stress about my Debutante Ball.
Every time we talk now, it's strictly in annoyance and hostility because when she stresses, EVERYONE in the house stresses.
attitudes truly are contagious and that's not just a phony phrase in grade school classroom posters.
i guess you could say the majority of our interactions lately have been part of those 98% lousy life moments.
But, in the midst of my overwhelming and outrageous amount of schoolwork, anxiety about working 2 jobs, and constant doubt/wonder as to whether 2010 will leave me as lonely as 2009 did, i still manage to steal a good moment out of my life when i can. i think it's what i do to stay alive, to stay sane. i savor the goodness.
i'll add more later.
but, honestly? I'm tired boss, dog tired.
Goodnight, sweethearts.
-jLv
Thursday, January 7, 2010
2 0 1 0
Don't say a word just come over, and lie here with me.
I must say, 2009 was the fastest year of my life.
And possibly one of the most eventful, troubling, and moving years, at that.
I hope you greeted 2010 in the nicest and most enjoyable way possible, if we're gonna start something, we might as well start it off right.
Last year, i fell in love, i fell out of love.
I lied, i got in trouble (which by the way im still paying for! haha), i made friends, i lost friends, i fell, i got back up, i got lazy, i was productive, i gave, i took, i sang, i danced, i laughed, i cried...alot, but i laughed more.
And with all that, i still feel like i never accomplished much, honestly.
When i say i fell in love, i fell in love with the same person that i do, every time.
I met new people, yes, but settling is never any good...unless your a pilgrim or explorer.
(My Mom just asked me if i was listening to Rod Stewart...no, John Mayer, thanks.)
Im trying to be more motivated this year, trying to break my lazy habits.
Did you know it takes 21 days to break a habit?
try it, break one! it'll be fun. so far, i've gotten rid of nail-biting, cussing....almost, lying...sort of, and eating poorly...somewhat.
okay, it's not easy, but it's not hard either.
I've been asked to write a Philosophy paper, about my own philosophy on life.
to be honest, im excited. I'll be allowed to ramble on about what i think for once, without being stopped, and i'll be getting graded for it. good grade: rewarding and bad grade: still rewarding!
I'm ready to take on this year with an outlook that is as positive as positive gets.
I'm ready to work more, volunteer even more, and to love all that i can.
this year i'm doing nothing new, but doing what i always have, just a little better.
Take care, darlings.
-jLv
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